When should kids start dating?
When I was growing up, my father made it VERY clear that I was not going to start dating until I was 16 and not a single day before!
The issue was never pushed. I knew he meant business.
Once I did reach the age of 16 and was able to start dating, it was nearly impossible to have a social life, because word of my strict dad spread quickly around our school.
All it took was ONE date to ruin my social life and teen dating career, but looking back, I’m glad my dad did what he did.
The boy pulled in the drive to pick me up and dad was ready for him. When the boy knocked on the door, my dad greeted him - just as any father of a teenage girl would. It’s no wonder teen boys are so darned nervous when they start dating. Back to what I was saying… Dad introduced himself and laid out the ground rules for dating his daughter.
I was to be home at 11:00 PM and not one single minute late. To insure that we were on the same time, dad asked if the boy had a watch. If he didn’t have one, dad kindly provided him one that was set according to our clocks.
Dad then took a walk out to check out the car I would be riding in. The air in the tires were checked, the gas gauge checked to insure there was enough gas to get us where we were going and back. Then the boy was asked to start the car so dad could hear it run.
Once that was all said and done, if the boy was still around, I was then permitted to go on my date.
At the time I was horrified by my father’s behavior, but in hindsight, I don’t think I would have had it any other way.
I eventually did marry the first boy my parents ever let me date without giving him the third degree. He’s always been my parents favorite — even to this day.
It’s funny, all these years later, on our second first date, that same boy that was terrified to date my fathers daughter still held apprehensions of dating her, twenty years later.
Now that I’ve taken my stroll down memory lane, what do you think about dating? Is there a set age? Or is it maturity? If maturity, do you honestly believe that a 14 or 15-year-old can be mature enough to date? And if so, are they allowed to date someone who drives?
I’m curious to hear from others on this topic. And just how your own growing up and dating has influenced your decision today?
Tags: teens dating, dating, raising teenagers, parenting teens
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POSTED IN: Parenting
19 opinions for When should kids start dating?
Roo
Jul 29, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Now, I’m young. I’m allowed to date as often as I like, and for fourteen, I’m quite amazed at my freedom.
My father of course isn’t too strict when it comes to boys taking me places, just as to when we return and where I’ll be and to call.
Though I sometimes am a little taken aback at my power at hand, I understood why my mother let me. She instilled strong morals and let me choose and express. She trusted me, and I valued that.
I feel as though setting an age for dating just calls for lack of trust. Maturity has no exact age, it probably all depends on the child.
Gayla
Jul 30, 2007 at 9:35 am
Thanks for commenting. I think maturity has a lot to do with this decision. However, I know 18 year olds that aren’t mature enough to drive let alone consider relationships.
Kelly
Aug 15, 2007 at 9:33 pm
My dad will not let me start dating until i am in the 9th grade. But i am telling him that all my friends can date in the 8th grade. So i was talking to my aunt and she has 3 sons and they are the same age as me, but they can date so she suggested that i just sneek out, and say i am going to the movies and the mall with my friends. But the think is i dont like sneeking and the already give 50% of freedom i just would like 100% of freedom. What advice or what should i do.
kathylynn
Sep 17, 2007 at 11:24 am
Love your post about teens and dating.
Lackaday
Oct 13, 2007 at 3:01 pm
I’m 12. There are 2 couples in my grade. Truth be told, I’m not ready to date. I haven’t even gotten my period. Do you guys think 12 is too young to date? (I do!!!)
Jubee
Nov 11, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Kelly, do NOT sneak out… probably too late now, but for others… this will only give your parents less trust in you and therefore more restrictions. They do sometimes pick up on stuff you don’t think they will… Anyway, what’s one more year? I know it seems like a long time, but you will be glad you waited. BTW, why risk getting in major trouble for a guy who could end up being a total jerk? Even if he isn’t, and if you guys get TOO close, whatcha gonna do? I’ve heard of some 12 and 13 year old moms, but did you know that almost 80% of unmarried teen moms end up living on Welfare?
For Lackaday, the kids in your grade are starting too early. They probably are together fo 1 of 3 reasons: a) they like the attention they get; b) they like the “butterflies” in their stomach and the feelings they get while together; or c) they have a serious relationship, have funds available to start a family and to support the other, and are planning for the future. C is very unlikely. Don’t start dating unless you are ready for a serious relationship. If it’s just to get to know the other, do something with a group, and don’t get “intimate”.
Mary
Feb 15, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I am 13 and my mother is way to overprotective. It seems like i am the only prude girl in my grade and i dont know what to do. I want to obey my mom and wait until i am “16″, but that’s way too far away. I really like this guy and i have liked him for the longest time. I just found out that he likes me too. Should i just ignore what my mom says and do what i want, or should i listen to her and wait until I am older?
tammy
Mar 31, 2008 at 12:27 am
i have a some close guy friends and i cant do ANYTHING with them without my parents saying Tammy i dont like those boys… or Tammy i dont know them! NO u cant date them… or even awwwwwwww u like him and NO u cant date…
im 13 and ii dont think age matters if your in love what do u do about it. If u end up breaking up then we get over it….i know most wont agree with me but if your in love your in love
but i just hate not being able to have boy…(friends) but then have my parents freak out about them
Zoe
Jun 4, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I am 11 years old I like a boy and he likes me. We kissed he wants me to goout on a doble date with my best friend and his best friend. My Mom started dateing when she was 11 too. What should I do
that girl
Jun 5, 2008 at 8:11 am
Zoe, you’re too young and your mom was too.
Zoe
Jun 8, 2008 at 7:31 am
Oh whell! I love him. My Mom had me when she was 18. i don`t care
verah
Jun 23, 2008 at 3:23 am
l have this guy l always admire want to talk to him regarding my feelings but he is the type that ladies goes around him.my parent notice it.but dn`t give a damn about them.
verah
Jun 23, 2008 at 3:30 am
need an urgent reply bcos l cant wait to meet him and he his 3years younger than l am.am 18
Martin
Jul 11, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Boy, you Americans… Or at least that’s what I assume. I’m 17 years old boy from somewhere in Northern-Eastern Europe but haven’t gone out on a single date. I’m not very social type of person but this makes me nervous. My mom says there is never too late and I shouldn’t worry but I’m still puzzled. I’m not the geeky-glasses-computer-guy, though it is hard for me to go out in public. It is natural for older guys to date younger girls here but I can’t seem to find any suitable girl anyway (delete that, there’s plenty). It feels to be sort of an outcast in my class whatsoever. And in my state, I obviously can’t afford to be picky.
somebody
Aug 23, 2008 at 6:39 pm
i think u all should jst wait till ur parents say u can!
beth
Sep 10, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I think u should date when your ready
DaughterofZion
Sep 17, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Zoe, I love your name. Your name means life. Life is a wonderful gift from God. please don’t throw it away! Jesus wants your heart, and I believe he caused me to stumble across this article just to tell you this.
Even at 18, that is seven years away! that’s more than half your life! You are so young. Right now, you don’t even know what love is, and you won’t until you know the love of Jesus. the Bible tells us that there is no greater love than a man who will give his life for his friend. Are you willing to die for this boy?
Zoe, Jesus died a terrible death on the cross so that you could have the choice to follow him, or not. The Romans, who were the people who put Jesus to death, beat him until he didn’t even look like man!
Imagine, that you murdered someone. the cops cought you and you know that you are going to be killed for killing that person. But then, I decided to take the punishment for you. I tell the Judge that I killed the person. Then they kill me instead of you, and you get to go free. That is kind of what Jesus did for you. You and I have sinned. Sin is something wrong that goes against what God tells us to do. For example, God says to honor your parents. you honor your parents by obeying them. I know that I have disobeyed my parents before!!! That means that I was guilty and worthy of going to hell. But Jesus took my sin away when he died on the cross. Iwas worthy of dying, but Jesus died instead of me.
I hope this helps you.
To zoe and everyone else:
I am 17 and an American. I do not believe in dating at all. To see Zoe’s comments break my heart. There are so any girls who are WAY TO YOUNG to be mothers, like 12 or 13, and yet they are. So many girls are giving away peices of there hearts to any guy who comes along, and what they don’t realize is that when tey do finally get married, there is a part of them that their husbands can never have, and it effects the rest of their life and marriage. Dating is pretty much practice for divorce. You “hook up, fuss up, and break up” then it starts all over again. Marriage is abut battling through thos hardships! Staying together till death do us part. How does dating support that? My dad is very protective of me and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My dad knows how guys think, and he knows if he is just along for the rie, or if he has a genuine interest in me.
With my dad’s help, I will find a genuine man who is ready to support a family, and I will have a beautiful marriage and be able to give my husband my whole heart. I will be able to avoid all of the heartbreak and
I would be more than happy to talk to any of you regarding this matter. I would really like to talk to you Zoe. Just email me. amberschamel@yahoo.com.
Nat
Oct 1, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I really think that girls should wait. It is not only the respect you have for you parents to obey them IF they are strict about you dating but the respect you have for yourself… The most important thing to me in my opinion is respect.. No matter what if you do not respect yourself how can anyone else. 11 IS WAY TO YOUNG to date.. If you are needing attention.. there are better ways to get it than with a boy especially if he is older than you. PLEASE be careful. Get involved with sports activitie, what do you like, what are your hobbies??? Just have fun and be a kid. Im not sure of the point daughter of zion is trying to express but in my PERSONAL opinion and from experience…. wait…. I did have my son at 16, I only have so much room to talk. But Please respect yourself, know who you are and have fun with friends … dating to soon is just almost like delaying your growth as a child/teen to become a responsible adult who knows what they want and who they want to share their valuable time with. I hope this makes sense. :)
Anonymous
Oct 12, 2008 at 2:35 am
If I was a parent I wouldn’t allow my kids to start dating until age 15.I believe that the girls in a family should start dating in order of age and that the boys should wait until all the girls have dated or until age 25.
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