When Mom Drops the F Bomb
Around my house the kids know there are two things that will happen before their lives flash before them and they get a glimpse of the gates of hell. Those two things are mom dropping the F Bomb and the glare of terror.
Over the last several days, we’ve had the discussion going on here about spanking and alternative methods of punishment for kids.
Being the mom with three teen boys in the house (the girl lives with her mother) we’ve ran the gamut of punishments and the ones that seem to be the most effective have been –
* The Glare - that’s the look a mom can get that tells a kid they better shut the hell up, walk softly across the floor and retreat to their room as quickly as possible.
* The F Bomb - for mom’s who rarely swear, this is a doozy. There’s no other word in the human vocabulary that commands attention quite like the F word.
* When the kids have completely lost all ability to comprehend the glare of hear the F bomb, the last resort is going t-totally ape shit on their asses.
There is a certain way one must go ape shit if they’re going to attempt this method of shaping up the fam. Going ape shit consists of slamming a few cabinet doors, raising the voice several octaves but not enough to break the fine china and taking away the top two or three things they hold dear. This can be an iPod, computer, video game, cell phone, phone privileges, after school activities, dessert, soda - that should be a nice list to get you going. Basically the kids life is to become instant hell or darn near it.
I’ve personally never practiced the glare in the mirror but I know I’ve got it and I know it’s powerful! It must be one of those gifts some girls are just born with - some were born with genes that would produce big tits (lucky bitches) some would insure a size five butt at he age of 60 (again, hate’em) and some were born with the ability to share the glare.
So all you Mom’s out there… what is it you do that’s out of character for you but commands instant attention from your kids and family?
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POSTED IN: Parenting
14 opinions for When Mom Drops the F Bomb
Char
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:11 am
All I have to do is start counting down from 5 - and I can even do it by simply holding up my hand and counting down with my fingers. It works every time.
Deb Ng
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:15 am
I use the counting method myself. If that doesn’t work, I silently take the Gameboy and put it on top of the fridge. Nothing says well behaved like taking away the electronics.
Gayla McCord
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:17 am
That used to work for me until the kids got bigger then me :) I’ve got one that’s a full head taller now. And they are still growing *sighs*
Gayla McCord
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:50 am
I do take electronics away - but I have to get more creative with hiding places :) They can see the top of the fridge.
Wish the counting still worked here. Teens are SO much fun!
Marye
Mar 11, 2008 at 7:56 am
First of all..let me just brag on myself a moment…I can use the *look* on any kid (and some adults) at church and get the proper response. It isn’t a glare, I am told, just something so frightening that it is unable to be ignored. Apparently my face does not change, and yet…it does. I have never seen it but I have heard it spoken of with hushed, awed tones.
I do not swear…so when my boot camp training begins to pour from my mouth, yeah, on those rare occasions everyone shapes up.
I dont count. I find that with most kids I know it teaches them to wait until #4 or #9 to do what they should have done at #1
My kids don’t have electronics but I do allow them the pleasure of cleaning goat barns, chicken coops, pulling weeds, splitting wood, cleaning door frames, organizing bookshelves alphabetically by title, and genre…and that is usually good.
Ashley
Mar 11, 2008 at 8:12 am
My son is a huge Thomas the Tank engine fan.. Well one day a few months ago he was at a place called “Funtastic” (not so fun for mom by the way) and when he saw me walk in to pick him up he began a blood-curdling, screaming contest with himself that lasted throughout the paying and thanking process, as I carried him to the car, as we drove home, as I unloaded groceries and his little brother…I don’ t think I’ve EVER been that angry at that child. I wanted to spank his behind - but I was entirely too mad! So, I carried him to the back screened in porch, sat his little behind on a stool and closed the door to the house..as I came in trying to decide what to do I tripped on Gordon (an overpriced Thomas train character) I got a hefty bag and went all around the house gathering up everything Thomas from blankets to trains to coloring books. So when I finished I walked onto the porch, showed him the bag - let him watch it get locked in our storage shed - and told him if he continued to scream they would come out of the shed and go into the garbage..I don’t think he has ever looked at me with such hurt and horror, but I dont’ think he’s ever shown his butt like that again either. It also lasted longer than a spanking because he had to earn each one back with good behavior.
Okay that’s my ONE triumph in discipline - most of the time I’m not very good at it..
CanadianMom
Mar 11, 2008 at 9:20 am
I also have the glare. Learned it from my own Mom, and she can still get ME with it. My boys are apologizing in seconds with *the look*.
BMS
Mar 11, 2008 at 10:40 am
Trains and legos are the nuclear weapons around here. If I start putting toys into a laundry basket, to be put out of reach in the basement for as long as I d@mn well feel like it, I get the attention.
Strangely enough, the other threat that gets instant compliance is the threat to split them into separate rooms. My boys share a room, and will occasionally declare their undying hatred for their brother, their desire to return their brother to his country of origin, and their desire to sell the other on Ebay. But if I say “Well, then we will have to divide up the toys and put you in separate rooms” then suddenly, miraculously, their brother isn’t so bad after all…
Ashley
Mar 11, 2008 at 10:45 am
I wish I had a ‘glare’…
Ashley
Mar 11, 2008 at 10:46 am
Or could drop the F bomb w/ out being repeated..
wendy
Mar 11, 2008 at 1:46 pm
The f bomb doesn’t work for me, although I don’t aim it at the kids they think it’s funny when I cuss. I’m just not convincing.
Have you tried dropping your voice and looking amused? It can totally unnerve a snotty teen in 0.6 seconds.
Then there’s the slow “Oh really?” (must not be said in a disbelieving voice or angrily but with the inflection of true curiosity.) The “Oh really?” must not be followed by anything but awkward silence and your full attention. Works on husbands too.
Ashley
Mar 11, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I think “Oh really” is growing on me..hmm
wendy
Mar 11, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I should mention that it gets better with time, the silence should ferment like a fine wine.
And try not to laugh.
Tiffany
Mar 13, 2008 at 9:52 am
I suppose I may have a look, I also count down, I would never drop and F bomb. Filthy word and I wouldn’t want my kids using it…which is exactly what they would do if I said it.
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