What and when to hide from your kids
I read an interesting article recently that discussed a particular case where the parents of two children hid their family problems from the kids for years. When they eventually announced they were getting divorced, the kids were shocked and wound up being deeply scarred. After years of therapy, one of the children wrote about her experience.
It’s her belief that parents should not hide so much from their kids. If there are financial woes, let them know. If one parent has bad habits like drugs, sex outside the marriage, gambling - let the kids know a little about what’s going on.
Sharing some details with your kids will help them learn early on how to handle some of life’s real challenges and could contribute to a much stronger participant in relationships later.
What do you think? What and when should parents share family problems with their kids?
Personally, I’ve been told I share too much with my kids. However, having been a teen when my parents divorced, I also see the need for a certain amount of communication with them.
I let them know when I have some issues and how I handle them. Sometimes I even have to share the tales of when I make the wrong decision that ended in less than desirable results. Then we discuss how the situation could have been handled differently and what the outcome might have been.
Do you share too much or not enough with your kids? And if you have very young kids, do you plan on sharing more with them with they get older?
I know it’s a real gamble, but having good, strong, healthy communication with my kids is worth the risk.
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POSTED IN: Parenting
2 opinions for What and when to hide from your kids
Marye
Jul 17, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Marc adn I rarely disagree and the divorce word has never been an option with either of us. We have not kept things from the kids but we don;t discuss certain things in front of them either.
Our house is not a democracy. It is a totalitarian government. If we are facing a big decision we may ask them their thoughts but the final decision is what Marc and I decide after much discussion and prayer.
Too many children, in my opinion, are given adult emotional responsibilites. Parents can’t get them to make their beds but expect them to have mature input on family decisions. I think this is wrong. Children are children, and should be allowed to be children.
Children, IMHO, should be left with the following:
Whatever is going on mom and dad are able to handle it,with God’s help.. I will be taken care of and I am secure and loved.
kadi
Jul 17, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Here is my take on it, based solely on my family’s experience:
The day that my sisters and I found out that my parents were separating, we were shocked. They never fought in front of us. We never knew that we ever struggled financially, or had parents that had problems. Ignorance was bliss.
Were we shocked? Yes.
Did we feel that we were lied to or cheated out of information? No.
As kids, we did not need to feel the stress of our parents’ struggles. It was not our burden to bear.
Daniel and I try not to discuss grown up matters in front of the kids because it is a well known fact that stress lowers the immune system in children. It is a double edged sword.
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