Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
I’m sure that this post is going to strike up some differing opinions and maybe a little heat, but it needs to be discussed. I lie to my kids. I have lied to people I love, when the situation absolutely called for it. Yet, I teach my children that lying is wrong. I am aware that it is hypocritical. However, I feel that certain instances necessitate a white lie.
I let my kids believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. They take such joy in the anticipation of their arrival. I almost feel like I’d be robbing them of some of the magic of childhood, if I let them know the truth. I see nothing wrong with it. My sister disagrees. She takes a no lies approach to raising her kids. They are not allowed to believe in such things. She thinks that it is nonsense. We respect the difference in our parenting choices, as there are many, but I will never understand how it hurts a child to believe in such cultural icons.
I also have to spare the feelings of others, by withholding the truth from them. Call them white lies, fibs, half truths…I call it keeping on good terms and sparing feelings, when need be. I have some very sensitive family members. Sometimes, the answers that they seek are not really the ones that they want to hear. Sometimes, people want to have my kids over to stay with them and I don’t feel at ease about it. If I told such a person the truth about it, they would be highly offended and probably not talk to me for awhile. Trust me, it has happened. I am left to decide whether to be honest and ruin our relationship, or do something that I’m not fond of and lie.
It seems in this society, people don’t want to hear the truth. They want to be stroked and deceived, in order to make them feel better. It is what our government does. It is what we do, admittedly or not. Are we teaching our children to be liars, in practicing deceitfulness? Are we merely sheltering them from the harsh reality that they are bound to face soon enough, so that innocence can be prolonged? Am I wrong to speak half truths to those I love, in exchange for salvaging our relationship? Should I tell them the cold, hard truth, even if it means we never talk again? How bad of a person am I for being a liar, when I expect my kids to tell the truth?
Tags: bad habits, emotions, family, feuds, lying, social standardsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Relatives
7 opinions for Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
that girl
Jul 22, 2008 at 2:06 pm
You’re right. We all do it, and I don’t even understand how your sister goes through life w/ out a little lie here and there.
Three days ago I told my 2 yr old that the “Baba” (bottle) noticed what a big boy he was getting to be and ran off to be with another baby…It’s hands down the best parenting move I’ve ever made. He accepted it, no whining, no fussing, no fits and he even recites it to himself. I DO NOT FEEL BAD. These pants are going to keep burnin.
Sherry
Jul 22, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I absolutely believe in lying “for a good cause”. Sometimes that good cause is for, as you put it, the magic of childhood. We do the Santa/Easter bunny/tooth fairy trifecta here because that’s how I was raised and I never felt deceived by it so I share it with my kids too.
I also lie to spare someone’s feelings. I see no reason to say, “no I really don’t like your haircut” if my friend is absolutely thrilled with it. I see nothing wrong with saying a little fib if I’m in a situation like you, where I’m not comfortable with something. We have great friends that I adore and they love our kids but they’re completely oblivious to many things that make me uneasy about letting them babysit - but I don’t want to hurt the friendship so we just evade the entire thing.
Lying to hurt someone or lying about immoral things is wrong but sometimes to spare someone’s feelings it must be done.
Robin W
Jul 23, 2008 at 7:26 am
I consider myself a very honest person, and I do not have a problem with either of the issues you brought up in your post. I think kids today grow up too fast as it is; what is wrong with Santa or the Tooth Fairy? I even threw in the Binky Fairy when the boys turned 2 (the Binky Fairy took all their pacifiers and left Hot Wheels cars because they were big boys now). I also don’t have a problem bending the truth (see, I can’t even say lying) if it spares someone’s feelings. I think it is all in the intention; if the intention of the lie is to be mean or cause harm/pain then that is totally different to me. I don’t think life is black and white. There are gray areas; half-truths fall into that gray area.
jessica @pianomomsicle
Jul 23, 2008 at 7:41 am
My mom took the no lies approach, and i was never allowed to believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny or anything. i feel like it would have been fun to have memories of being on Santa’s lap and actually hoping for something i asked for, or waiting up to hear him on the roof. i feel like i missed out a little, you know?
My kids are definitely going to believe in Santa, if i can help it.
Angela
Jul 23, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Is it lying when somebody calls my house, the caller ID says who it is and I don’t want to talk to the person? If that is lying then why do we have caller ID?
Is it lying to allow my kids to be kids and to enjoy that magical side of childhood? I don’t think it is.. I think there are things in life that are age appropriate. That’s almost like saying it’s not ok to pretend OR play make-believe.
I take my kids to the children’s museum here in Omaha and there is a pretend grocery store where they get to act out grocery shopping with toy carts and toy food and toy fruit.. is it a lie because it’s not a real place? No, I don’t think so.
I think your sister is entitled to raise her kids in a way that she feels is best. The two of you don’t agree so if she brings it up OR accuses you of lying to your children be honest with her and tell her that you don’t agree.
You don’t have to defend your position if you don’t want to and you don’t have to take hers allowing her to shove it down your throat either.
When I answer the phone and I really can’t talk sometimes I make up an excuse but that isn’t a lie.. I can’t talk. I’m in the middle of something and I may or may not have time to call them back. OR I don’t answer the phone at all. Is that a lie? No, I think not.
Bridget
Jul 23, 2008 at 2:35 pm
My family is sensitive too and I am a lot like your husband Daniel who likes to tell the truth which has caused many hard feelings with my mom and sisters. I appreciate the truth from friends and family myself but am learning that sometimes you have to (lie) just to make them feel better. I also have to lie to my kids once in awhile. I’m sure God will forgive me. For example I tell Landen that everyone is going to take a nap including his big brother just so he will lay down and take a nap. Oh, and I constantly am on the phone with the police (at least he thinks I am)
Robin/Oak Knoll Mom
Jul 25, 2008 at 7:23 am
I can see telling a little white lie every once in a while, but I try not to make it a habit. I want people to believe me when I tell them something.
My cousin tells lies to spare the feelings of others. The result is that now I don’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth because I don’t know whether or not she’s telling the truth.
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