Special Needs Follow-up - Everyone cool your jets!
People, people, people… seriously - there is no need to put a hit out on me for my previous post discussing the mother of the autistic child who was kicked off a flight. Granted, the title was in poor taste - I’ll admit that. At the time, my blogging mind kicked in and yes, it’s gotten a LOT of views, but it’s also hurt a few people I care deeply about. These are people who have autistic children or a disabled family member and who deserve the utmost respect.
Now, let me let me discuss my personal anger and disgust with people who abuse the system. People who intentionally seek out a diagnosis of mental illness or disability for their own financial advancement.
I have walked away from wonderful friendships because an adult pressured doctors - going from one to another purposely seeking out a diagnosis of some sort of ailment that would create a nice little income each month. To date, no diagnosis has been found - not even Riley Children’s Hospital found anything wrong with a couple of them. This has lead me to believe these parents are doing nothing but seeking attention, financial gain and a reason not to parent properly.
Next, I have watched as some in my area have fought tooth and nail trying to get approved for SSI and Disability. Although I do agree that one should be entitled because she’s a flaming fruitcake - she does not have the ailments she’s trying to cram down doctors throats. She has phoned me several times asking what I thought. Well, when a person is “allergic” to medicines, all medicines and pills - including vitamin B, C and E - there’s really not much you can do or say besides start with a therapist.
Thankfully this person is in my ex’s family and I don’t have to deal with her all the time and her pursuit of government funding and entitlement has been going on for almost 10 years. She lives with her parents and has even screamed in her 81-year-old fathers face, who by the way Does have cancer, that her condition is far worse then his.
Frankly, I think she needs committed but that’s just me being judgmental again. I am human after all.
There are other cases but for the sake of keeping my ass out of more hot water - I will refrain from sharing those.
Now, let’s think about this - a person pushes and pushes to get a “normal child” diagnosed with a learning disability or mental condition. That child’s family learns of the diagnosis but knows nothing about the journey to get the diagnosis, are you with me?
Once it becomes known that this child has been diagnosed, you now have several people who see what this illness is, first hand - they then carry the stories off to their friends as the topic may arise. The next thing you know - you have a gaggle of people who ’see’ autism as being very ‘normal’ and will judge everyone else who truly has it based off what is in their own reality. THAT is what I mean by the overuse diluting the response to those who genuinely need it.
If only society and my surroundings had not made me so skeptical by the constant abuse of our system - if only. But it hasn’t and this is how I am. I am a skeptic until I’m shown solid proof. There have been enough times that I have ignored my instinct, believed in a person and found later that I should have followed my instinct to begin with.
This particular story of the kid on the plane is just fishy as hell and I think this case is taking advances that families have made in public acceptance of children/people with autism and set it back several steps.
I know I seem to have been all over the spectrum with my stance on this, but it SO impacts several aspects of life and so many groups of people. From people who work with the public, to the parents - from taxpayers to family and neighbors.
When I saw this woman, my gut told me she was showboating using her child, unlike those who fight for their cause in an admirable and respectable way. And this is one time I have to believe my gut.
To those families of disabled or autistic children, I do apologize for hurting you or stepping on your toes - but I cannot and will not retract my belief that this particular case is harming your cause in a very big way. Rather than lashing out at those who are disbelieving so much, it might be worth combating ignorance, such as mine, through education.
I’ll be the first to admit, I am ignorant when it comes to autism and I’m willing to learn, but not in the way this woman was trying to force feed me.
I do hope those I hurt will accept my humble apology - I’m not sure what else I can say.
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6 opinions for Special Needs Follow-up - Everyone cool your jets!
Kadi
Jun 28, 2008 at 9:16 am
I guess we will never know exactly what was going through that woman’s mind and what her true intentions were. But I will be the first to say that I have hurt people I love with my opinions and I have also been on the receiving end of that hurt. Forgiveness should always be given when asked for. I’m sure that everyone who was offended and has ever been guilty of offending, will be more than willing to forgive you and move on.
MArye
Jun 28, 2008 at 9:36 am
I agree with you, Gayla. There are children who truly do have issues and then there are the flaming brats that need a spanking and a good dose of the world does not revolve around you.
We are battling,as you know, to get Marc’s disability rating from the VA. He is at 20% and in a wheelchair…20 percent! and yet we see people all the time rated at 100% with much less issues than he has…and I won’t even mention my biggest irritation.
Thrifty Karen
Jun 28, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Marye: You do have to fight the VA to get more disability. I’ve heard it’s quite a fight. Good luck.
Gayla: I know what you mean about people wanting to take advantage of the system. My daughter has some sensory integration issues. She’s been in therapy for a year and is doing so much better. I have people telling me that I can get social security for her. Are you kidding me? She goes to school, is in a regular classroom, and can function just fine (with the help of occupational therapy).
Ruthie
Jun 29, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Granted, there are people that try to take advantage of the system. But I bet it is not as many as you think. As a parent of a high-functioning autistic child, I personally did everything I could to deny the fact that there WAS something wrong with my child. I didn’t want that diagnosis. I was actually in denial for a year before I finally realized that there was something going on with him. And yes, I did have people telling me to apply for SSI for him, and I refused, because I didn’t think he needed it.
However, I did make sure that he got the Speech and Occupational Therapy that he deserved. He wouldn’t be the child that he is today if he hadn’t. And there was no way we could have afforded it, if he hadn’t qualified for our state’s Children’s Health Insurance Program.
Yes, Gayla when I read your first post, I was saddened. And I appreciate the fact that you realized that your harsh words hurt some people’s feelings. This was actually my first time reading your blog, and I didn’t get a very good impression. But I will try to look past it, because I do believe in forgiveness.
homemom3
Jun 30, 2008 at 7:54 am
I must say that for me I had the opposite from many of you. My son entered the third grade with a reading issue. The teacher told me he was fine, I assumed the school was behind in reading as well. Imagine my surprise a few months into the school year when I find out he is failing. Worse a week later I find out I was suppose to meet another teacher, a special needs reading teacher. Normally I’d be fine but this was hidden from me, when in fact I thought he had an issue.
Things grow worse, a month later I hear from the reading teacher that his actual teacher was trying to get him tested for ADD or ADHD, (can’t recall which one) because he couldn’t figure things out.
First this is a teacher that has teacher led recess and by this I mean she chose whether they had it or not. If they had it it was controlled, by this she would walk them around the school for the full time. At lunch it was more like military school. She walked them in, assigned seats and they ate lunch. No talking either, once done you waited until the teacher came to get you and back to class. Where was the fun? While many would argue kids need to learn, sometimes they need to let their energy escape. She was wanting to diagnose my son for something that could easily have been fixed.
The fixing was done, in the afternoons that he came home I made darn sure he played. Put him in sports and other activities, made sure he got sleep and was ready for school. I argued with the teacher until I was blue in the face that he WOULD NOT be tested. All it took was some hands on activity and for her to actually SIT DOWN (take some time out) and work with him on the reading.
Today- he’s entering the 6th grade and is all caught up on reading, in fact loves it so much I’m constantly buying him more books and he is blogging as well. He’s a genius in math and is average in reading. I think he’s doing great and even though that year was the worse one he experienced he LOVES school now. All it took was me saying no and a GREAT reading teacher that stuck by him.
I’m not saying that this is the case for everyone as I know it isn’t. I have dear friends that have children with special needs or that have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. But I do know that for me, it would’ve been misdiagnosed. This was a teacher that just didn’t want to actually do her duties and was opting for an easy way out. That school has reportedly had MANY cases like this. I do understand what Gayla means when she says too many get diagnosed or use the excuse when they really shouldn’t and too many that should don’t.
Ruthie
Jun 30, 2008 at 9:52 am
Yes…in Homemom’s case, it’s the teacher not the parent. My son’s teachers recommended medication for him to help him focus, but I declined. Eventually, he learned to sit still and do his work, but only through certain techniques. They allowed him to “stim” when he needed, in other words, get up and walk around, but he would come right back to his seat, sit down and finish his work. And I know you guys are probably thinking, why should he be allowed to do that? Well…if you have ever tried to stop an autistic child from “stimming”, you would realize very quickly that it is almost next to impossible.
Same thing when an autistic child is having a meltdown, and sometimes you don’t know why, only that child knows, it could be something that happened months ago, that they are reliving in their mind. They have a hard time dealing with their feelings, they don’t understand them, and the meltdown or “tantrum” is their only way they know how to deal with it. With my son, whose now 6 years old, the meltdowns are becoming less and less every day. We have good days and we have bad. I personally believe it is because he’s growing up, and is learning how to cope and express his feelings in other ways. We talk to him now, he has conversations with us, which he didn’t before. He amazes us everyday.
I have a video that I’d love to share with you guys. It is a video of my son and his class singing in a program at our local mall. You can’t miss him, he’s the little boy standing on the left, on the first row, who can’t stand still. But just him staying there in that spot and participating in this singing program was a MAJOR accomplishment for him. We were so proud of him. And so was his teacher, she’s the one talking to him in the beginning. She adores him, and he was so fortunate to have her as his teacher last year. Here it is, and I hope Gayla doesn’t mind me sharing the link, anyway, might lighten things up a bit. ;)
http://mama-drama.org/2008/04/12/christophers-first-public-performance/
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