Supernanny Rules

59 opinions for Sometimes ‘Special Needs’ Just Need To Stay Home

• Thrifty Karen
  Jun 25, 2008 at 9:18 pm

  There was one boy that was asked not to come back to church. I read about it on beagooddad.com. I think the child involved in that case is about 16 years old and 200+ lbs, if i remember correctly. He urinated on the floor and could not be controlled during services. The church tried to accomodate them by offering a private room with the service on a screen, but the mother refused. I thought that situation was extreme, but the mother was refusing anything other than normal treatment. You can’t have a kid screaming and threatening people during church. Of course, we don’t know the whole story behind this airline situation, but many times people are in denial about how badly their children behave.

• Glenda Watson Hyatt
  Jun 25, 2008 at 10:30 pm

  Assuming the autistic diagnosis, which is a lengthy process, is correct, perhaps the Mom needed understanding and compassion, rather than judgmental eyes. Perhaps passengers could be grateful to endure only for a few hours what the Mom has to endure 24/7/365.

  I thought our society not accepting people with disabilities - all disabilities - was behind us. Sadly, I see I was wrong.

• Kim
  Jun 25, 2008 at 10:42 pm

  Wow! How cruel can a person be? You just seem like a very judgmental person with a lot that is said in your posts. And you seem to have problems with A LOT!

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 7:04 am

  Why should 150+ people be held captive and be forced to be accepting?

  I don’t think it’s being so much judgmental as it is being awfully darned sick of society being forced to accommodate so many “differences” in people.

  It’s easier for one mother to accommodate the needs of her one child then it is to get an entire captive audience to be “accepting and compassionate” while dealing with a bulging headache.

  We don’t know what the people on that plane are dealing with in their everyday life - what if someone was flying home to bury a loved one - WHY should THEY be forced to show compassion while dealing with their own crisis?

  That’s all I’m saying

  And you’re right - I do have problems a LOT with a society that’s forced to bend over to mollycoddle a society that’s different in so many ways. It’s one thing to show compassion in passing or upon meeting, but it’s another to be locked in a confined space with it for HOURS.

  If I were a passenger on that flight, I’d be suing the parent to get may flight money back.

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 7:08 am

  Karen, asking that boy to leave was a lot better then I would do. I’d have probably gotten overly frustrated and knocked the mom out for even suggesting that her son be overlooked for pissing on the floor. BLEH sometimes I just want to scream at the gull of some people.

  Rather than HER deal with it (and there are ways to deal with it) she expected all of the church to? that’s insane.

• Karen Putz / DeafMom
  Jun 26, 2008 at 8:19 am

  Hmm, I guess by that standard, we should have no problem tossing off every 2 and half year old that has a meltdown. Right? Because if you’re saying we should only toss off the ones with disabilities, then discrimination is alive and well in America. And that saddens me.

• Kelsey
  Jun 26, 2008 at 9:14 am

  I read the article and all the comments that came with it, I think that everyone who says that training needs to be done really needs to be realistic. I work with the public, can I really take a training course on every disability? and even if I do, could I remember it all? This was her child, she knew what was best, she should have spoken with the airline and then again with the FA’s to let them know that if there was a problem, to bring it to her and to not touch him so that she could calm him. Everyone keeps harping on special needs but how am I supposed to know exactally what special needs your son has? By heading off the problem by talking with the FA’s this could have been avoided. The child was obviously a danger to himself and the flight by not wearing a seatbelt during take off, autism or not, anyone should be taken off a flight for that. I agree that compassion should be shown but really, can I be expected to know and understand all of someone else’s problems if they don’t tell me about them? It’s a FA not a psychic and if the pilot came out then the problem had progressed beyond a simple fix. I think there was a lack of compassion and understanding here on all sides. But I don’t think that AA should be held financially responsible for doing the responsible thing and making sure that everyone, including the little boy, were safe. And even trying my best to show compassion to this woman who was having a bad day, she should have been the responsible one. It’s her job to make sure her son was safe.
  I have taken my kids on a flight at 2 1/2 and 6mos. it was not a picinic but it was managable, but I made sure to ask questions to make it easier like if it was okay that I breastfed my 6mo old so that she didn’t end up with pressurized ears during take of and touch down. Luckily both were fairly good, even my fairly hyperactive son.

• Kadi
  Jun 26, 2008 at 9:15 am

  We do not fly anywhere with our kids, for this very reason. Not that my kids are “special needs,” but they are very active and would probably drive other passenger sinsane with their constant bickering and fidgety natures. I just do care to subject myself or anyone else to that kind of torture. However, if there was an absolute necessity to get on aplane with my kids, I would try to make accomodations for the entertainment and comfort of my kids so that they would not get bored and whiny.
  Now… I will add that Daniel has ADHD symptoms and he cannot stand to sit still for more than a few minutes, so I don’t know what I’d do about him. I can’t imagine being a mother and trying to deal with an autistic child on a flight.
  Also, I have sat by adults that were not special needs, but annoyed the hell out of me, the whole flight. I sure wish they would have kicked them off the plane!

• that girl
  Jun 26, 2008 at 9:57 am

  This story is just sad all the way around. Poor mama - what if SHE was going to bury a relative? or something just as necessary? Maybe it was the right thing to ask them to leave, but I just cringe thinking about the shame and embarassment added onto what she probably already carries around.

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 10:46 am

  My husband struggles from bipolar disorder and can’t stand loud noises or active crowds. If he were on a flight with a child like this - would it make it right if his “special need” cause him to go off on the mother with a verbal tangent? Because I can tell you - that’s exactly what would happen.

  You can’t just look at this child and say that his needs were the ONLY needs on the plane. This could have easily been resolved and a non issue if the mother had asked a doctor for something to soothe and calm the child or even knock them out for the duration of the flight.

  I can’t help but think this is yet another example of people trying to board the train of financial opportunity by filing lawsuits for something that was ultimately their responsibility.

  If I were a passenger on that flight, I’d be filing suit against the mother to recoup the cost of my ticket and for the number of hours of suffering I’d endured.

  I may be harsh - but I firmly believe in each person taking responsibility for what has been dealt to them. I purposely didn’t travel with my kids until they were 10+ for this very reason.

• Fashion Paramedic
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:47 am

  Honestly, Gayle — I think you blogged this one before thinking it through, because it comes across as a verbal diarrheal rant instead of a well-written opinion. This makes your attempts at explaining yourself (”that’s all I’m saying”) look more like digging yourself further into an already gaping hole. It’s time to put the shovel down.

  It’s abundantly clear that the mother should have explained to AA’s gate crew inside of the airport (the ones that take your ticket) that she had an autistic child, so that they could relay that information to the crew inside of the plane. This would have made them (the flight crew) more receptive to the child’s behavior.

  I think both sides (AA and the child’s mom) learned quite a bit from the experience, albeit uncomfortably.

  So, where do we go from there?

  You’re saying that sometimes the parents and special needs children “need to stay home.” But is that fair?

  Traveling with children (special needs or not) is a tricky proposition in general. No parent at any given time will know how their kids will behave on a plane.

  We can’t keep people from flying just because their children might become irritable or may make other passengers whisper to one another. There are situations where there is no other alternative from getting from point “a” to point “b.” And also remember — you’re not the only one paying $400 for your ticket to fly. The parents paid that fee too, so they have just as much right to be there as you do.

  And who knows why children are misbehaving at any time on a flight or while traveling? Kids are mysterious creatures, and they naturally pick up on the feelings and behaviors of others around them–especially their parents. What if the child *looks* healthy but is being taken by their parent(s) to have special tests done for a terrible illness? Or what if a crying kid has lived with his dad his whole life, and is now being taken to live with his mother or grandparent because his dad died?

  Just like you said–”We don’t know what the people on that plane are dealing with in their everyday life,” so remember that next time you see a worn-down parent of an unruly child. They can be going through their own personal tragedy too.

  You really should have used the plane story as a springboard to explain what’s really bothering you, which seems to be your perception of overuse or overdiagnosis of children as special needs. Your post (and your comments) are all over the place.

• MB
  Jun 26, 2008 at 12:18 pm

  i was trapped on a plane from NY to LA with an autistic child behind me. I honestly couldn’t take it. He screamed the entire way. How is that fair? Why do I need to deal with that? It was awful.

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 12:43 pm

  No - really - my beef is with both - 1. The constant diagnosis of some diseases and illnesses and 2. The constant stream of lawsuits when life doesn’t accommodate every persons specific needs.

  As an example - if you paid $400 for a plane ticket and on an entire flight were made uncomfortable because of the person next to you or right around you - whether it be a screaming disobedient child, an extremely overweight person who crowds your seat or even a person with extreme body oder (I’ve experienced all three at least once) how would you handle it?

  I’ve politely asked to be moved sometimes just to keep from being stressed out or stinky by the time my flight landed and I had to speak at a public engagement just after landing.

  Perhaps I am all over the place on this one, but it’s bringing up so many beefs I have with travel and travelers I’ve encountered.

  As for my verbal diarrheal rant - when you have four teens competing for your attention at the same time - you learn to cram as many thought processes into a 30 second window as you possible can. It’s one of those aging things - be thankful you’re still young enough to recognize it in others and not in yourself. :D

• Fashion Paramedic
  Jun 26, 2008 at 12:55 pm

  Oh, shoot!! I forgot to address this one too:

  “My husband struggles from bipolar disorder and can’t stand loud noises or active crowds.”

  Um. Isn’t an airport one of the most crowded and loudest places on earth? And couldn’t it be the place and the experience (going to a crowded and loud airport) that exacerbates one’s bipolar disorder?

  You’re playing with a double-edged sword. Sedate the kids — and anyone else that might show signs of anxiety on a plane — but take special care around your husband. Because he’s a grown-up (who could very well make a trip to the doctor before traveling to get his own sedative) with bipolar disorder and needs calm and quiet to endure a flight.

  Just something to chew on.

• that girl
  Jun 26, 2008 at 12:55 pm

  Gayla, I’m with you on number 1, but to be honest I think bipolar disorder is one of those.. along with ADHD.

  The autistic one is tricky. I did a paper once on autism and there’s a spectrum of severity there. But it’s sad in any case.

  It is difficult to manuever through modern society trying to accomodate everyone and not offend anyone..and some things are rather extreme. If this mother and son were headed to an uneccessary vacation - I would think “Wow, why didn’t she just plan a trip somewhere close?”..BUT, who’s to say she wasn’t going to be w/ a dying family member? My guess is that she would’nt have even attempted this plane trip for anything trivial. Just a guess.

  Flying is difficult and stressful for all of us. You’ve had terrible experiences as a business traveler - imagine what those who MUST fly with children must endure.

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 1:04 pm

  OH for the LOVE of Sam - I didn’t say my husband traveled - I used him as an example because of his condition and it is a condition that is very widespread. My husband doesn’t travel because one encounter like this one and he’d likely end up in jail.

  Stop trying to dissect this to extreme.

  IN MY OPINION and thank God I’m American and have the right to one… I believe people with special needs NEED To do their own leg work to make sure that large crowds of people aren’t held captive and spoon fed compassion when it’s not something they choose.

  That’s it!

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 1:12 pm

  The article said the woman was going to visit family. It was a pleasure trip.

• Thrifty Karen
  Jun 26, 2008 at 1:25 pm

  I’m sure there are lots of facts about this case that we will never know. As Kelsey said, you can’t train someone for every situation. As a teacher I am trained to handle certain types of behaviors, but if a child has special needs, sometimes those needs require the child to be in a different classroom that better meets their needs. You can’t expect everyone to be accomodating wherever you go. You can’t expect everyone to KNOW HOW to accomodate you. This is where the parent comes in. Did she talk to the airline ahead of time? Did she prepare her child for the flight? Did she explain to her chlid what he would encounter? Did they watch videos together of what would take place? Those are things that we don’t know.

  As a parent, it is my job to know my kid and do whatever I can and anticipate any difficult scenarios based upon their age and needs. This is why when I plan a trip, I try to plan it to meet the needs of my children. We try to leave close to nap time so that they will sleep for part of the trip. I try to have a variety of snacks and drinks for them. I also have some special books and toys. No, the trip doesn’t always go as planned, but I have to make sure that I did everything possible to make things easier for everyone.

  It seems as though there was some fault on both sides of this story. This is just one of those cases where you look at it and learn from someone else’s experiences.

• that girl
  Jun 26, 2008 at 1:53 pm

  I just actually read the story and according to the mother, she and the child were in the very front of the plane - he was there w/ his seatbelt on when the stewardess kept coming up to him and trying to jerk his seatbelt tighter (herself) and basically yelling at the kid. After a few minutes of this he started trying to get out of the seatbelt and then finally went into a full-on fit. The mom HAD brought things to calm and amuse her son - but the stewardess had made her put the bag containing these things into the overhead.

  Ladies, I have to say - this scenario could have easily played out w/ me and my own non-autistic 2 year old. I don’t think this was handled very poorly by the airline, and I’m shocked at the stance some have taken here. We all know that when we board a plane, bus or subway there’s a good chance that there will be someone there who will annoy us. I’ve noticed, even within my own family, that there are some parents who have a very selective memory when their children grow up. They don’t remember their children ever being embarrassing or annoying and they have zero tolerance for NORMAL behavior from the children of others.

  It makes moms with young children feel like crap and you should be ashamed. I excitedly anticipate the day that these judgemental mothers of older children become grandmothers to a bunch of rowdy, loud, wild-asses. Karma works that way.

• that girl
  Jun 26, 2008 at 1:54 pm

  correction: I do think this was handled very poorly by the airline.

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 1:56 pm

  @MB - thanks for commenting. Enduring that type of behavior for that long is completely uncalled for.

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 2:10 pm

  I’m the mom of twin boys - and I raised them to the age of 11 as a single parent. I knew my boundaries, I knew when and where I could and could not take my kids and risk embarrassment.

  Until my kids were old enough to understand and enjoy a flight - I chose to take them on trips that were close to home and let relatives who lived distantly travel to us.

  Believe me, I KNOW what it’s like to have small kids and rowdy ones at that. I’ve threatened my kids many times that I would babysit my grandkids when they have them and feed them a strict diet of Mt. Dew and Chocolate.

  I honestly don’t feel shame in this case, because as a mom - I chose to bring my kids into this world and I did Everything possible to make life better for them and purposely made decisions that would not create an imposition on anyone, whether traveling, dining out or going to church.

  In today’s world where everyone screams discrimination for whatever reason - it seems that “normal people” are the one’s who are in the most need of advocates.

• that girl
  Jun 26, 2008 at 2:19 pm

  “it seems that “normal people” are the one’s who are in the most need of advocates.”

  Who’s advocating for the moms with small children? It seems like noone. And it seems like you’re saying that anyone who’s little monkeys act up in public are doing something wrong - not threatening enough maybe. Gayla, I agree with some of what you’re saying - but the way you’re saying it is a little abrasive and offensive, and it leaves out ‘me and mine’ so that ‘you and yours’ can have a stress-free day. It’s not right. She WAS prepared - and they took her stuff away. She had the kid in the seat-belt and ready to go and here comes the flight attendant jerking his seatbelt and yelling in his face..and then they humiliate her with the announcement? Come on!?

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 2:58 pm

  That’s based purely on what “she says” not the complete story. I guess I am a bit of a skeptic in that I can’t help but think everyone is trying to sue everyone for every little thing these days.

  How did we go from out of control situations being kept off planes to my offending mothers of small kids?

  I used to be one of those so that is certainly NOT my intent. Seriously, think about that.

  And I find it really hard to believe that IF a FA were screaming in a kids face that his mother would be the only one telling this story.

  I’m standing by my belief that this is nothing more then someone trying to get rich quick. I certainly hope there is NOT a monetary settlement handed out here unless it’s to all the other passengers on the plane.

  I will admit that I have grown quite abrasive when it comes to stupid people filing stupid lawsuits over things that are just a part of life. The end result is everyone in the world is paying the price in the form of price increases.

  I just don’t buy this story - something is not adding up.

• that girl
  Jun 26, 2008 at 3:13 pm

  It may not be your intent - but it’s what you’re insinuating everytime you go into one of those “My kids know better…or If my kids dared do that I would..I knew better than to..” the general tone seems to be very condescending.

  From reading your post, I thought your problem with this situation was the disturbing of “normal people” like you - not that this woman might be sue-happy. Which is the real beef?

  And I don’t think a toddler throwing a tantrum the first 2 minutes of a flight is an “out of control” situation - a crazy man waving a gun is an out of control situation. A two year old screaming because he doesn’t want to put on his seat belt is just life.

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 26, 2008 at 3:36 pm

  Early on it was said that I take *several* issues with this situation. You really shouldn’t try to “over think” these things - they’re really plain and simple when it comes to me and my opinions. My life is far too busy to get all complicated - I’d really go insane trying to keep track of the complexities.

  As for the “My kids… I knew… etc.” this is a blog that I write. I write from my perspective - that’s how it works.

  2 minutes? When was the last time you flew? It takes at least 15+ minutes to go from boarding to runway sometimes much more. Surely they haven’t sped up that process since I last flow 4 years ago.

  Let’s think of it from this angle - If your kid were throwing a tantrum on a roller coaster and didn’t want to wear the restraints? Would you call that life and let him do what he wanted just to keep him happy?

  The rule is “all passengers MUST wear seat belts fit snug” If rules are broken for one, they must be broken for all.

  Just sayin’

  Seriously, I think I’ve stated my position(s) on this clearly. I take SEVERAL issues with this entire situation.

  1. I don’t believe the FA screamed in the kids face.

  2. I think the mother is looking to cash in. Those gas prices make people do funny things for a fill up these days.

  3. I believe parents of children who may be unruly during flight have an obligation to report these risks beforehand.

  4. If a parent can’t guarantee their kids will sit in a seat and a belt during a flight, they’ve got no business taking them on a flight unless they are sedated to some extent.

  5. I don’t think it’s the obligation of all passengers to be forced to be compassionate when it comes to an obnoxious passenger - “special needs” or not.

  Now, I’m finished talking about this. Feel free to continue posting comments, but this will be my last to participate on this particular topic.

  Stay tuned for what’s likely to be another controversial topic - I seem to really enjoy those these days :) I really do enjoy the constant exchange of opinions. I just hope that everyone realizes these are MY opinions, whether everyone agrees with them or not. In fact, I love when people don’t agree with me. It makes my days much more interesting.

  If anyone has a topic they’d like to present in hopes of engaging entertaining debates with - I’m happy to take suggestions :)

• Disabled Kid Thrown Off a Plane--And the Attitudes Come Out - DeafMom
  Jun 26, 2008 at 4:22 pm

  […] Sometimes Special Needs Just Needs to Stay Home […]

• tabbi
  Jun 26, 2008 at 11:55 pm

  So is it okay if it’s a screaming child that is not “special needs?” When ever there is a child on board you have a chance of being disturbed. If you dont want to be disturbed, buy you own plane, and pay for the fuel. $400 is not much money now a days, so …. stop complaining.

  You really want parents to further drug their children for you convienice????? LOL….. Sedative are not good adults, little lone for children. And beign diagonosed with austism is a hell of a lot different with kids being diagnosed with ADD and being perscribed drugs.

  Maybe you are confused??? I know these are you opinions, but have you truely looked at the facts, or are you just juding with you feelings….

  There are way too many “what ifs” in these type of situation to make certain things “ok.”

  As to why should we be forced to show sypmathy?? Isnt that the golden rule? Isnt that the “human condistion” ? We are suppose to treat other how we want to be treated. 150 people should look at that one family and be thankfull. 1 in 166 children are diagnosed with austism….so maybe we should learn a little something….

  I live next to a family who has a very bright autistic child. Just because he’s bright, doesnt mean he CAN conform, it’s not easy. Imagine feeling everything AT ONCE and not able to express it in words…..

  I have worked with many different autisc children in my liftime…. its not easy, not fun, and heart breaking most days. It leads many to question their faith, their ideals….

  Maybe you should vollenteer at an autistic school, and truely learn what its all about before you judge.

  As for putting more drugs in our kids….ARE YOU FREAKING NUTS??????

  Why dont we all take sedatives so we won’t disturbed by children? One pill you’ll be out for 8 hours :P

  So much damage can be done to developing bodies….

  As to being “sue happy”, well all of america is sue happy so dont judge one person for all of it…

  If you ride a bus, you will have to deal with other passengers on the bus, if you ride the subway, you have to deal with others on the subway, why should it be different for an airplane???

• I am I, you are you - Lieslmcq
  Jun 27, 2008 at 7:20 am

  […] on which side was right or even if there is a clearly right side. What I can comment on is a blog post I read (again, HT to Deafmom) that called for people with special needs children to either sedate […]

• Eliza
  Jun 27, 2008 at 9:30 am

  Okay I’ve thought about this one long and hard and I’ve stood back and watched the comments as I knew this one would be a hot pot of boiling water waiting to tip over.

  First, I have went on a trip by myself with my two oldest when they were 4 months old and 3 years old. I was very worried about this trip as my daughter had her own problems and I wasn’t sure how the airline would take it. Guess what I did? I called the airline and talked to them about it before I even attempted to step foot on the plane. IF YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH A DISABILITY of any sort call ahead of time, make it known what is going on and see if they can accomodate. This way you will know, they will know and everyone will be prepared.

  The kid didn’t want a belt on. Sorry, but that is THE RULE. I don’t care what disability you have, if it is a rule there are no exceptions and shouldn’t be. This is their way of protecting everyone including your child. They have a rule you can’t carry knives or anything sharp, I applaud that. I’m sure others could come up with a reason of needing something sharp.

  What happens if that boy didn’t wear a belt, fell out of his seat, hurt himself or hurt someone else. Caused a bigger uproar and the plane crashed? Yes, I know this is the worse case scenario but that’s why the airlines has their rules.

  He’s 2 am I right? How did things get THIS bad? I totally get not knocking him out, but what about making him so tired before getting on the airplane that he just wanted to sleep? That could’ve been a blessing for everyone, including mom I think.

  Yes it was an embarrassing moment, but if she had explained things I think it wouldn’t have got so out of control. Plus maybe she would’ve been prepared about the seat belt and able to practice seat belt safety with her child BEFORE boarding the plane.

  There are all types of disabilities that board planes and get through a flight just fine. Not to mention if you know something triggers it don’t you normally avoid them or are prepared? My daughter had reflux and gasping issues. She would get anyone near her. I had to worry that she might get someone we sat by. Not only did I tell the airlines, I told the people within reach. Everyone was understandable, but the second flight I was moved to the back of the plane, just in case. This was so much of a relief that if I ever fly again I’m going with that airline.

  I have a husband that due to going to war can’t be near tons of people. How did we learn this? We went to Disneyland, when we started noticing his nerves being shot we left. We now know he can’t go into crowds and if he does there is a limited amount of time, we do everything we can during hours there aren’t tons of people. We know when to leave and watch the signs. Normally people know their signs and can go with it or work around this. I think many of us forget this and just want someone to feel sorry for us. You’d never hear me saying, Disneyland should let us have the park for a day because he can’t deal with it. Or do you think I should?

• Thrifty Karen
  Jun 27, 2008 at 10:32 am

  Well said, Eliza.

• Soupdiva
  Jun 27, 2008 at 11:09 am

  I came to throw my 2 cents in via another blog. I will say that I find air travel to be unpleasant even if all conditions are perfect. I expect to find families with little ones at certain restaurants and if I want super quiet, romantic mood dining, I know where to go and where not to go. Being part of a society means that sometimes, like it or not, we will be inconvenienced by others in that society. I don’t like to drive 20 miles an hour, but during rush hour, it’s kinda expected. So too should we all expect that there will be occasions, when out in public(sharing our planet with other humans) that we will have to tolerate unpleasant noise or behavior once in a while.
  If you want to live in a world where no one inconveniences you, get the noise canceling headphones.
  True story: My sister was graduating from High School in California and I lived in Georgia. I had a 9 month old daughter. We boarded the plane without a problem and took our seat. Back then, parents were allowed to hold their babies on their lap. As others were filing into the plane locating their seats, a couple in their 40’s looked at me and began to argue (WHERE I COULD HEAR THEM). They were arguing over which of them would be forced to sit next to me. They were well dressed, as was I and my daughter. Clearly, they expected the worst from my little one. It pissed me off that they had the discussion loud enough for myself and others around to hear. They were rude. My daughter behaved wonderfully during the whole flight. She laughed and cooed and played with her barney doll. The loser of the argument was the man, and his jacket sat covering the back of his chair. As a parting gift, my daughter left cookie crumbs on it. My way of thanking him for his kind words while boarding the flight.
  I really think you need to get the headphones. None of us can walk through life without inconvenience. It’s just not possible. They can’t have separate flights for parents of noisy kids. Special needs or not. I think any discussion of lawsuits is pretty ridiculous. If you’d rather not buy the headphones, have you considered chartering your own flight? Celebs do it all the time. That way they don’t get bugged to sign autographs etc. Then you could avoid having to tolerate all us regular people.

• Cindy
  Jun 27, 2008 at 12:28 pm

  I have a special needs son, now 18, who also is autistic, on the mild end. I have always loved reading your articles, but this one VERY much offends me.

  Perhaps I am wrong in assuming this, but I am thinking that you do not have a special needs child.

  Should parents of kids with ADHD, autism, tourette’s syndrome, mentally retarded, and such not be allowed in public around other people just because their child is different? Goodness!!!

  But to read an article like this, talking so rudely and horrible of a special needs child and the parent is just plain wrong, coming from a B5Media parenting blog!!!

  Our kids ARE different, yes indeed. They are special, they are who they are. Just as your kids are how they are and who they are. I would never dream of telling you, or any other parent for that matter, that just because your child is not perfect (none are!!) that they and you should not be allowed on a plane, in church, in a store, at the park, on a bus, in school, etc.

  Get out of the dark ages!

• Momma’s Coffee Break
  Jun 27, 2008 at 1:33 pm

  […] over at SuperNannyRules recently touched on that whole airplance scandal with the mom of a 2-year-old and getting kicked […]

• Sue Doe-Nim
  Jun 27, 2008 at 2:39 pm

  I watched the video.

  Wow.

  What a sense of entitlement this mother has. I’m so excited that they won’t be flying American again. I sure will.

  Those poor people on the train.

  You understand that this narcissistic beast was upset that the flight attendant had the GALL to make sure that her son was properly strapped in.

  Can you even imagine what sort of horrible flight attendant would do her job?

• Debbie
  Jun 27, 2008 at 2:47 pm

  To quote Star Trek II “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” Why should 150 people deal with a terrified child for hours? How many of us would have just sat there and gone “Aww, that adorable scamp. He doesn’t know any better!” No, we all would have been making comments throughout the flight which would have just set the kid and his mother off even more so. The removal was the right move.

• Gayla McCord
  Jun 27, 2008 at 3:36 pm

  I just posted this comment over on Karen Putz blog trying to explain my position a little better:

  *

  I created the post title to engage conversation and controversy - my stats were low this month - it worked!

  If you actually took the time to read everything rather then read INTO everything you would see my points. Those being there ARE rules - There ARE regulations and those rules cannot be bent for anyone. If a person expects them to be bent or broken - they need to find alternative methods to accomplish the same task. Period.

  I have likened this situation to putting the SAME kid on a roller coaster. Both are dangerous - both have rules and if you can’t adhere to those rules, leave.

  Those flight attendants HAVE to enforce the rules - regardless of how cold and uncaring it makes them seem - or they could lose their job.

  I am sick to death of lawsuits and cases like this driving our entire world. Everywhere you turn you have to watch what you say, what you do, how you do it just to make sure you are accommodating to the masses of various disabilities. I’m sorry - it’s impossible. It’s much easier for ONE Mom and ONE child to conform to KNOWN airline rules then it is to force an entire flight to be compassionate.

  The truth is, I’m a very compassionate person - I would be the one sitting next to the woman digging through my purse for things to entertain the child or being the stranger who can get the kids attention when the parent can’t - but the fact is the majority of that flight would have been pissed had what was going on on the runway been taken into the air.

  Everyone who wishes to scream discrimination can find something discriminating in everything. MY God a friend of mine posted about baby shower games and someone is throwing a fit because she didn’t list baby shower games for BLACKS? WTF is that?

  The Cry of Discrimination is so often taken too far - that it dilutes the response to those who really need it.

  Please dear GOD tell me that made sense. I’m SO sick of this conversation.

• Kelsey
  Jun 27, 2008 at 3:56 pm

  I still think that the mother a responsibility to do more then she did. FA’s check to see how tight the seat belt is for every child because frequently they are not tight enough. It’s like when a family member puts one of my children in their carseats, they always comment that the straps are too tight and I always come back with the fact that unless you can only fit one finger in, it’s not safe enough. Speaking of, if she wanted to avoid this, why didn’t she bring his carseat? It’s safer for the plane, no one is going to tighten it after getting it secured and it’s familiar which I understand from having a nephew who has autism is very important and comforting. Also, if she had talked with the flight crew, she would have learned that sitting in the front of the plan means that you have to stow your carry on above since you don’t have a seat in front of you. And at the point that they turned the flight around, the boy wasn’t just throwing a tantrum, he was rolling around on the floor according to the interview which is probably the MAIN reason they were taken off the plane. The whole thing sounds a lot like a “they’re out to get me because my son has autism” and for any who think she was travelling to see a dying relative, she was visiting family in NJ from reports a supposed 8 hour car trip away so it was n unneccesary flight which doesn’t deny that she paid for her tickets like everyone else but does lead to think why if she knew she would be putting her son through this (as everyone has to wear a seatbelt on the plane) she would chose this route. I just don’t think things were well thought out on her part and honestly I think if her son wasn’t autistic that we would have never heard of this.

• Mike
  Jun 27, 2008 at 10:33 pm

  Just a few comments.

  “I guess you could say my kids have a special need to breathe - they have asthma. But that doesn’t give me the right to walk in any and every public place and demand they do everything to accommodate them, but rather it’s my place as the parent to plan accordingly to make sure my kids needs are met.”

  Laws are in place in an ever increasing pace to ban smoking, smog, etc. with one of the primary reasons of improving air quality which is something I’m sure is beneficial to people with asthma.

  “I think the United States has latched on to the whole if it’s out of the ordinary it must be an illness or disease. Now I’m not saying this particular kid wasn’t truly autistic, but I do believe there are many kids who are being diagnosed as autistic who are genuinely nothing more then flaming brats and because these kids are brats, the worlds is supposed to do everything to make them more comfortable?”

  Wow. If you don’t have any reason to believe that this kid was autistic than why even mention this. To compare autistic kids to flaming brats as if it were hard to tell the difference is insulting to autistic kids everywhere.

  “If this parent of an autistic child were sitting next to a person on the flight who had a problem with gas or even packing a colostomy bag - I wonder just how accepting she would have been? Or would it have been necessary, in her mind, to have the person moved to accommodate her child?”

  Do you seriously just say that you don’t think this woman would have approved of sitting next to a smelly person? Seriously?

  “I have to say that in a case such as this, IF the child MAY pose a problem to other passengers, I believe it’s the parents responsibility to visit the doctor to get some sort of sedative that will help make their flying experience a bit easier. If the parent can’t do that - then driving isn’t too crowded and they should be the one cooped up in a small space with their own screaming child.”

  Since the kid was 2 1/2, it is very likely this would have been his first flight. How many 2 1/2 year old children, with autism or not, freak out on their first flight. If that were the case, she would have had no reason to medicate the kid.

  Also, please define “cause a problem.” Do you think the kid was likely to cause physical harm to anybody on the plane? That I could see as a problem. Making noise and being forced to sit still by his parents is debatable.

  “There’s lots more I can say on the whole overuse of special needs syndrome that’s making life so annoying for normal people - but that’s for another day.”

  I really hope there are no “overuse of special needs syndrome that’s making life so annoying for normal people” posts coming up…unless you actually plan on doing some research.

  As for whether the kid should have been kicked off or not, just like the church incident in the first comment, I wasn’t there and don’t know all the details. It is possible he should have been kicked off. But don’t make this a “oh my god those parents of those autistic kids are so annoying” type of issue. One kid freaked out and between the airline and the parents, it wasn’t dealt with perfectly.

• Be A Good Mom » WOW. I do not even know what to say. Wait, yes I do.
  Jun 27, 2008 at 10:53 pm

  […] just spent way too long on StumbleUpon and was trying to pull myself away to go to bed. Then I read this, and now I can pull myself away from Stumbling because I need to respond to this prissy […]

• Special Needs Follow-up - Everyone cool your jets!
  Jun 28, 2008 at 7:48 am

  […] seriously - there is no need to put a hit out on me for my previous post discussing the mother of the autistic child who was kicked off a flight.  Granted, the title was in poor taste - I’ll admit that.  At the time, my blogging […]

• Father Time
  Jun 28, 2008 at 11:10 am

  Gayla,

  I have to agree with you, If I am paying good money to take a trip anywhere in the world, I want it to be as peaceful as possible. The average parent these days have no common courtesy or respect for others. They also fail as parents to discipline their children and teach them how to properly behave in public. Personally if I was on the plane I would have chewed the mother out, if your child has a problem, you need to correct it or take the necessary precautions to ensure a properly behaved child. Unfortunately within society disciplining your child in any form is considered child abuse and is blown out of proportion. If you can’t control your child, stay home, drive a car, or whatever, but keep them away from the public I dont want to deal with it and I’m sure other people don’t either. The other problem with society is there is a condition assigned to everything they don’t want to deal with(i.e ADHD, ADD,etc) Let’s drop the excuses and deal with the problems. Take responsibility for our own children and stop blaming it on anything other then the truth” YOU”

• so disheartened
  Jun 28, 2008 at 1:36 pm

  I’ve read through all previous posts on this, found this site doing research on how airlines might accomodate special needs issues, in light of this latest story of child being removed from flight. We have a special needs child. She’s 8, but has the understanding of a 2 or 3 year old in most repects. It can be difficult to do things in public because, like all 2-3 year olds are, our 8 year old is so unpredictable, and we do make every effort to PLAN ahead and keep her happy–our nonstop job, so that others aren’t disturbed. We’ve not flown with her yet, but I know I want to take her places to which a flight will be totally necessary. We love her and we don’t want to be without her during every long-distance trip we ever take! Hearing/reading about all of this uproar has been crushing. Many parents with kids of special needs want to believe that others are compassionate, but this thread confirms that so many people are not at all understanding, but instead are quite self-absorbed. This last post, Father Time, is pretty heartless, and to quote:

  “…you need to correct it or take the necessary precautions to ensure a properly behaved child. Unfortunately within society disciplining your child in any form is considered child abuse and is blown out of proportion. If you can’t control your child, stay home, drive a car, or whatever, but keep them away from the public I dont want to deal with it and I’m sure other people don’t either.”

  Why so hard? I personally don’t expect to walk through life free of incovenience or disturbance. If we were to follow your order here, we couldn’t take our daughter with us to do anything for fear that she MIGHT act up. How depressing!!!!! She’s our child, and comments like yours bring about a feeling that we should live very altered lives just to accomodate perfect peace of others. C’mon, that isn’t a life. It’s upsurd to have to do this, why can’t others bend a little. I do totally get it that she’s our responsibility - the life we were dealt, and that we do have to bear the “incoveniences,” but it’s a sad world when every-day people aren’t kind/compassionate and can’t even see beyond their own “comfort” to glimpse the situation of others.

  I personally think I WOULD visit the doctor before a plane trip to see about medication to calm my child, because I don’t want her to be scared/upset and I DO NOT want to disturb anyone. We’re very conscientious about not disturbing others, but when it happens I hope for compassion. I also would notify the airline and do anything else I could to make it go smoothly– but if in the event that we do fly, and I’ve done all of this, I will rest assured that many people will glare at us hatefully and feel so disgusted that we would dare take our beautiful little girl anywhere on a plane. They will think that we don’t know how to discipline her (because her appearance doesn’t explain to anyone that she is mentally retarded/developmentally delayed, even though her IQ is extremely low and she’ll be in self-contained special education her entire school life, she’ll never be fully independent, her communication skills are far from normal and explaining something to her on any level is impossible). What a warm feeling that gives me! Aren’t fellow humans so kind?

• Bonnie Sayers
  Jun 28, 2008 at 10:46 pm

  I read autism vox at b5 media and had no idea there was someone on the same site writing such negative things about autism.

  I will now go back there and not stray again as you never know what you might end up reading.

• Josh
  Jun 28, 2008 at 11:36 pm

  Ok… I know that many of you are going to comment back saying BLAH BLAH BLAH how can you say something like this? You are “HEARTLESS” and stuff like that but everyone needs to step out of the box and stop looking at this as prejudice against “Special Needs” or against someone with “disabilities”!! You have a full grown ADULT with a CHILD with autism on a plane FULL of passengers. I usually fly 4 times per week for work and it is dangerous to have items in the front of you in the front row due to there is no place to stow your stuff under! With the angle you take off at, speed and knowing that 9 out of 10 times it is not very smooth so let’s have a bag of toy’s or something not stowed properly because it helps keep my kid stay calm because he has “Autism” and have everything scatter all over the plane and possibly hurt someone else!

  When I take MY DAUGHTER on a plane with me and the crew says turn off your devices, fasten seatbelts and stow your gear you better believe it is done! Do you Honestly think that when it comes to situations like this at that age there is any difference Autism or not on how they act when they can’t have their toys to keep them calm? But as the ADULT you MUST do the right thing, follow the rules and teach them to follow the rules too especially when other people can be hurt and affected in a bad way! As far as the seatbelt I have never been on a plane without a stewardess at least checking my seatbelt once and a child’s more than once especially when the child is squirmy! So once again do you Honestly think it is wrong of a stewardess to make sure that their passengers are safe and secure? Should they not get frustrated if a child “Autism or not” won’t stay buckled?

  At this point the frustration is toward the ADULT for not making their child mind and work on teaching them the right way to act! And then allowing a 2 ½ year old child to lie in the middle of the isle and throw a fit!? Hold up the plane, turn the situation to make it look like the crew is being uncompassionate and claiming you and your child are being discriminated against because he has Autism, make the captain come out to assess the situation and have the plane turned around where you had to get off due to the actions that were happening making it unsafe and against regulation. This would have happened if a child that did not have Autism acted this way so how was this airline in the wrong for what happened?

  This is not a Pro boxer or a WWE Superstar with autism this is a 2 ½ year old child that Honestly is not at fault here! This is an ADULT, PARENT and MENTOR that is using their Childs “disability” to gain attention and to make it look like someone else is at fault when in fact it is just POOR LAZY PARENTING and not caring enough to step up, do the right thing, teach and treat their child like they should and quit trying to grub attention off everyone to feel sorry for you! Now once again I’m sure that I will get downed for this post but if you HONESTLY step back open your eyes and put aside your prejudgment to the situation you will see that I’m speaking the truth here and if you can’t see that then I’m sorry. And for those of you that have autism children (Which a few of my friends do) that treat your child right the best you can everyday, the ones that don’t give up no matter what, makes sure that even though they have a disability they are still rules to learn and doesn’t give up teaching them just like you normally would to another child so they grow up to be safe I commend you! And you honestly should be angry with how this lady handled this whole situation with the airline and the media cause you know it is not right!

  Also I’m diagnosed with severe ADHD and take controlled medication everyday for this. Even though this is a totally different disability should I have special rights? Should I be treated different due to th fact I have a known Disability? Should I have grown up being treated like I’m less of a person because I’m not like everyone else? Totally different Disability to extreme’s!! BUT still disabilities. Hopefully you understand the comparison reasoning I was getting at behind this statement before you try to comment about what was said.

  Josh

• » What’s normal? The socially acceptable prejudice against autistic people today
  Jun 29, 2008 at 8:55 am

  […] her blog titled Sometimes ‘Special Needs’ Just Need To Stay Home she states: I think the United States has latched on to the whole if it’s out of the ordinary it […]

• bipolar2
  Jun 29, 2008 at 1:22 pm

  ** Preparing to be seated during your next long-haul flight **

  Managing a long-haul flight to Europe in cattle-car (i.e. “Cabin Class”)

  1. Choose a non-US carrier.

  There are more cabin staff on board, including men. Europeans and usually their children, are far quieter than Americans. Once aloft, you are subject to the laws of the country (or of the EU) of origin. US litigiousness just won’t “fly” anymore.

  2. Adjust to the time zone of your destination.

  When I fly from San Francisco to Rome, Italy non-stop flight takes almost 12 hours and jet lag amounts to a whopping +9 hours. Set watch ahead to local destination time. Pretend to be on new “local” time. Eat lightly, if at all. Bring your own food, water, coffee drinks in cans, hand wipes, medicines. Don’t be dependent on cabin staff for these.

  3. Get as comfortable as possible.

  Not easy. But many things can be done.

  Smart to do: Buy clothing especially designed for travel and touring. If you’re unfamiliar with it, go on over to Travel Smith web site. Try not to look like an American when you arrive — no running outfits, no white shoes, no tee-shirts, no shorts, no baseball caps (unless you’re under 12).

  You must have: sleep mask, ear plugs, inflatable pillow, and vital, support socks or hosiery. (Even the young can have deep vein thrombosis during extended flights.) Nice to have: sound reducing headphones and iPod.

  4. Go to sleep.

  Impossible! Not at all. Usually, I take one OTC generic Dramamine tablet. Marketed for motion sickness, it also promotes drowsiness. For the kind of anxiety, irritability, sleep disorder that go beyond normal, a doctor can prescribe more selective or potent medication. (Consider medicating children as well — why should they suffer from stress and anxiety? What’s on your pediatrician’s acceptable short-term use list?)

  Flying is no longer fun. Basically, the strategy is to cocoon yourself from outer (and inner) overstimulation — from children and adults too.

  Believe it or not, you’re not needed to fly the plane. In fact, the flight crew is just along for the ride most of way, too.

• akigko
  Jun 29, 2008 at 6:29 pm

  you know what? i hope and pray that God will make a way to make you feel the hurt i feel upon reading your post. you have NO COMPASSION for the less fortunate differently abled kids. you sound so JUDGMENTAL. i wonder if you are a happy person. all i can say is that you are one ignorant, hypocrite , selfish, immature idiot. i swear, what you say and do will come back to you, one of these days. i pity you Gayla.

• he's normal, no he's autistic
  Jun 29, 2008 at 7:08 pm

  I have to ask as I’ve seen so many new posts connecting to this one. Everyone is saying it isn’t fair that children with disabilities is not labeled normal. However, why is there such an uproar over a little boy that was kicked off a plane for not listening and throwing a fit. Any child that acted this way and was not listening and caused an uproar on a plane would’ve been treated this way. BUT because he IS autistic he gets national attention, because he IS autistic we should have treated him differently. Am I right? So where is it that he is NORMAL? This makes no sense to me, if my child acted this way I would’ve been chewed out. Or what if I happened to have a child on that plane the same age and seeing him treated “differently”. “But momma he isn’t buckled so I shouldn’t be. He gets that why don’t I?” There are laws and that is that. As for the labels, aren’t you all still labeling him? If he was “normal” he would be “a boy got kicked off the plane,” but it was his OWN MOM that said, “autistic” not just my son got kicked off.

• Josh
  Jun 29, 2008 at 11:46 pm

  akigko… If I were to say that your comment is borderline psychotic, immature and scary not to mention saying that you are goin to pray to god that someone feels pain? Does that make me un compassionate? I’m sure GOD work’s in the ways of making people feel hurt… Gimi a break! Try looking past the surface and look at what the meaning behind the artical is. She was not focusing disabilities as a whole just when it is used and abused! Go re-read your post and pity yourself at some of the words YOU said especialy using GOD as a tool against someone… I’m sure he appreciates you for that.

• Jenni
  Jul 1, 2008 at 10:02 am

  I know you did this post for hits. It’s sickening. I have two sons with special needs. It is so difficult for the child. As adults we, *YOU*, should be able to behave better. Try some compassion. Try some understanding. How would you feel if you were trapped in your own mind? How would YOU feel if you panicked in crowds? Or couldn’t communicate what you were feeling!? You are an adult. It is not an accomadation to have compassion for the child and the mother. It is human. It is human to put the child’s needs first.

  Oh, and to the other commenters talking about “normal”. Normal children can control their fits. Autistic children can NOT! They can not be tamed or brought down. They do not throw fits to be bad or disrespectful. Please, read about autism before you speak on it!

  I hope there are more people like me in this world and less like you and some of your commenters.

• Jenni
  Jul 1, 2008 at 10:23 am

  Get educated…http://www.autismspeaks.org/.

• rtmike
  Jul 5, 2008 at 2:26 pm

  Karma’s a bitch Gayla.

• ashwini khadilkar
  Jul 10, 2008 at 2:26 am

  This is so typically american. the desire to live in a perfect world without taking any responsibility.Not everything in life is airbrushed and we have to deal with imperfections. Other cultures are far more accepting of special needs persons. Whenever i fly i am always nice and helpful to mothers with kids. as it is a tough time for them. kids get restless in confined spaces. you really are insensitive to other peoples feelings. so typically american

• bamababe
  Jul 11, 2008 at 8:11 pm

  Having a family member with autism is very difficult. I have learned to prepare him for going to the store & that he is expected to behave a certain way. I would never dream of taking him on an airplane. There are times church is not an opption. Loud noises & smells & lights can cause a meltdown. I’m tired of every parent saying their child has autism when they won’t behave.
  The mother stated that her other children were loud & disruptive & in the aisleway. I don’t blame the airline at all. If I had paid several hundred dollars for my ticket & children are disruptive, I want to have a fairly peaceful flight ,where are my rights.
  I have been on a flight where a 2 yr. old cried for hours, its not fun.

• Avin
  Jul 12, 2008 at 12:18 pm

  Most of the comments here simply come from people who are not suffering from any disease themselves and expect themselves not to suffer from any in future. They are simply GOD since he is the only one who can say confidently that there will be no disability in future.

  A guy suffering from cancer will know what is the pain - similarly the mom with the autistic kid knows the suffering. Everyone else are just preachers.

  I think one should be firstly qualified to comment - should have enough knowledge about autism , tantrums etc.before commeting.

• Bridie
  Jul 12, 2008 at 12:37 pm

  I have Aspergers and my mum and dad learnt a loooong time ago what *can* happen to me if I have to go on a commerical flight; hence, Mum always calls the airline in advance to tell them and have it noted on our booking, tells both the ground crew and flight crew about my…err…difficulties etc. We’re not in the USA but have always found airlines etc go out of their way to make things as easy as possible for me…but they can’t help if people aren’t willing to be open & honest about their ’special needs’ in advance! I would *never* get on a ‘plane with other people pretending that I am ‘normal’ or that ‘normal’ is what I need or am entitled to.

  (I do definitely agree that all the American e-friends I have seem to have a syndrome to blame for absolutely everything though! Your kid is a total, spoilt, out-of-control brat but of course they can’t help it - or be held responsible for it - can they, because they have been diagnosed with ‘total, spoilt, out-of-control brat syndrome’ !?!)

• ISTP Dad : Sometimes ‘Special Needs’ Just Need To Stay Home — Supernanny Rules
  Aug 12, 2008 at 6:55 am

  […] you hear about the apparently autistic kid who was booted from a plane flight due to freaking out? Did you hear how the kid’s mom behaved as well? She insisted all was fine and not going to be […]

• Michele Scheider
  Aug 27, 2008 at 7:13 pm

  I too was once like you, I would see a “different” or “difficult” child and I would judge that mother as being unfit, when I was completely unaware of the situation. Then I had a child with autism myself and the veil was lifted. Your intolerance and lack of understanding of what a person with autism experiences and what their parents go through everyday, without respite, the overwhelming seige that is this condition. Naturally a mother who has a child like this must understand that their child has to be FITTED into a society that just doesn’t get it, and make allowances for other people’s intolerance, however, each new situation presents itself differently and it can be almost impossible to predict how a child will react in any given situation. I you would prefer that we undertook the Final Solution and rid the world of these little annoyances you poor Normal people have to Put Up With, there wouldn’t be anyone left. There are quite a number of things that I find outrageous in so called Normal people, does that make it okay if I judge them and ask for them to be controlled and removed eg loud Ipod, tail-gating drivers, people that wear ridiculous fashions, loud talkers, personal space fillers, door-to-doo salepeople, neighbours, and anyone who gets in my face. Do not forget these are children you are talking about ridding yourself of, start with the disabled where does it end? You lucky lucky girl you ahev been granted normalcy, but that doesn’t explain your socail disabilty..a lack of empathy, which ironically is one of the things a person with autism supposedly lacks, you should have youself tested.

Have an opinion? Leave a comment: