Sibling Rivalry - When should a parent step in?
Having lost my older brother at a young age, I never knew what it was like to be a teenager and engaging in bouts of sibling rivalry Every. Single. Day.
My husband grew up with two older brothers and tells me daily how normal it is to be cocky, hateful and downright rude to one another one minute and all chummy and playing video games the next.
Is it really? Because honestly I think it sucks really big rocks!
Granted, I know my kids won’t be farting rainbows every day. They’re going to have bad days just like I do. I am just not adjusting to this feeling as though I need to update my wardrobe with black and white stripes while trading in my necklaces for a chain and whistle.
How do you parents combat sibling rivalry? When do you step in and when do you let it work itself out?
By the way, these are my adorable little brats errr Angels here…
I’m really trying to blow it off as puberty, but sometimes these guys get downright MEAN… saying terrible things to one another, being sneaky and picking on each other - wet willies, wedgies, fruit baskets… the whole nine yards.
Sometimes I just want to SCREAM and Do.
Seriously, parents of larger families or those who grew up in larger families, PLEASE chime in!
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6 opinions for Sibling Rivalry - When should a parent step in?
Lattimerdog
Feb 14, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Ahhh, sibling rivalries. Nothing better in the world. Seriously though, I’m the youngest of four. I’m 5 years younger than the next oldest brother, 7 years younger than the brother older than that and 8 years younger than my sister. My parents just let us fight unless someone got hurt.
Now, I have 2 girls, ages 10 and 12. They are now getting into the sibling rivalry stage. I basically do the same thing with them. If they get LOUD or try to inflict pain, myself or my wife will step in. Otherwise, they will figure it out. Besides, I’m guessing these “fights” are relatively short and like you said, they are fighting one minute, playing video games like nothing was wrong the next. It’s part of growing up with siblings.
marye
Feb 14, 2008 at 4:10 pm
We don’t allow hurtful comments. I don’t exactly know how to tell you how we DON’T allow it…just don’t. We remind them that hurtful comments are not acceptable and normally they stop.
I send alot of arguments outside to chop wood or clean barns. If two of them can’t seem to get along they get duct-taped together at the legs for the tiem it takes them to cooperate on a chore and finish it.
Did I mention wood chopping, barns, and garden tilling?
If one of our kids cannot get along iwth their siblings they cannot see their friends. Family comes first..if you cant get along at home you dont need to be out spreading dissention.
homemom
Feb 14, 2008 at 7:51 pm
oh this is something I’ve familiar with on both fronts. Growing up we always fought, real fighting and just words, however the parents never knew. That was one thing we knew they wouldn’t put up with. However, as a parent it drives ya nuts. My two oldest fight constantly, without fail within half hour of waking up they are bickering back and forth. I know from experience it is normal and for the most part ignore it. The only time I step in is if one has the other in tears or I can see anger flaring too much. If it is only bickering I send them to their seperate rooms when I’ve had enough. This cools them down or they stay in their until they fall asleep or stop.
Bethany
Feb 15, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I definitely agree that family comes first. Learning to be nice to one another even when you don’t feel like it is important. I don’t mean that we all have to be superficially sappy or anything like that. I just feel like it is my role as a parent to keep trying to keep things civil even when it doesn’t feel like it is working. What I always tell myself is that it is my job to make sure that these children don’t hate each other by the time they leave home. They may not always be best of friends, but if I let them say and do hurtful things, they may not ever forgive each other, which would be really sad. Hopefully, they will actually enjoy each other and be good friends when they are adults. I can improve the odds of this if I make sure they are kind to each other now.
Lin Burress
Feb 17, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Having raised six children, mostly on my own as a divorced mom, this was something I didn’t allow.
Some things are just normal in all families, where they sometimes tease and nitpick at each other, but I drew a very thick line in the sand when it came to pranks, and other so called “sibling rivalry” behaviors.
Meanness and name calling were not tolerated. Shoving, pushing, tripping, hitting, and similar behaviors were not tolerated. It didn’t take long at all for the nonsense to stop, once they realized I wasn’t joking.
I had clearly defined rules of the house of what I felt was ok behavior and how they can or can’t “play” with each other. “Mom, we’re only playing around”, while one is crying on the floor after a choke-hold and the other “player” is standing over them laughing. Yeah, I call that playing. Right.
Taking away things they hold dear, computers, phones, television, video games (whatever it takes) with some tough love and determination works very well.
I’m not opposed to going to so far as to take everything (and I mean everything) out of their rooms, including their bed (leaving only a blanket and pillow) and make them earn those back with good behavior. ;)
Jessi
Feb 18, 2008 at 5:02 pm
I’ve seen both sides of the coin. My nieces fight like cats and dogs and are almost hateful towards each other. It breaks my heart because I really feel they may be the only best friend each other has as they become adults.
So my question is how to impress upon them that sort of friendship. I’ve seen sisters who are the best of friends and I totally wonder how they get there. Any thoughts?
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