Saying No and Feeling Guilt
Over the last couple of days, we’ve had a big discussion going on. More like mom saying “No” and a kid throwing a tantrum with a little “why not?” tossed in.
Here’s the deal…
A few months back the boys all decided they were going to wrestle as their chosen sport this fall/winter season. Fine! I have no problem with that. I prefer them to participate in sports where they accomplish more than just holding down the bench. I’ve been there too many times and know that in our school system, my kids just don’t have the right last name aren’t the “team sports” type.
My son was insistent on wanting to try out for Basketball. Knowing they would only pick about half the number of kids who were trying out, I knew in my heart, my son would not be one of them - but I didn’t have the heart to tell him so.
I told him to go ahead and try it, if he made it fine, if he didn’t, we’d explore other options. He went to tryouts after school only to find he couldn’t even try out without a sports physical. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand the need for the physical, but what about requiring one before the first practice or first game rather than before tryouts?
I phoned the doctor to check into getting a physical. The insurance of course doesn’t cover it and it was going to be $150 - that’s ONE HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS just to tryout without any promise of even making the team.
As much as it pained me, I had to tell my son NO! I was not going to run around and in less than 24 hours, pick him up, take him for a HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLAR physical and then back to tryout for a sport I knew he would not be chosen for.
Here’s the thing, my poor little guy is so flat footed he can’t run with any speed at all and when he tries, it hurts! That’s not good!
So needless to say, today I am the meanest mom on the planet and I’m guilty of telling my son he’s not good enough at something. Well, that’s according to him.
So tell me, would YOU have paid that price to allow your child to just try out for a sport he or she was not going to end up playing?
Any advice on how I might be able to soothe this one over?
Tags: parenting, teens, sports, hurt feelings, family conflict
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POSTED IN: Parenting
4 opinions for Saying No and Feeling Guilt
Jessica
Oct 23, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Wow! That’s a tough one. First of all, I cannot believe that a stinking physical could cost $150. What a way to take you to the cleaners. Usually, in the season, we can get one for $25.
I would have said, “No way” as well!
I have warmed a bench or two in my day for not having the right last name as well. I wish my parents would have saved me the time, effort and trouble. However, if they had, I may not have seen it that way when they did it.
I think you did the right thing. Time heals all. His heart will mend with time and he will find an alternative way to spend his time. Just keep telling him that it isn’t that he isn’t good enough. Obviously the timing was wrong and it was in the cards/plan or whatever for him to do this now. Maybe he can find something else and try again next time.
Maria
Oct 23, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I would have called around to see if another location offers the physical cheaper. For example, my D.C. (chiropractor) does sports physicals for kids at a WAY reduced rate for sports. Every fall, his office is packed, but most of the kids get them free or for about $10.
That being said, we are in a sound financial situation. I probably would have paid the $150 if that is what it came down to, but we also have the “right name” in our town (my husband played DI ball here), and we were both athletes (hubby still is and I was also a DI athlete in college), so we have a different look at sports/athletics than some others might.
Maria
Oct 23, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Oh– as for the kid– they are resilient. Tomorrow (or next week), he’ll want to do something else. :)
Bee
Oct 26, 2007 at 2:56 am
Maybe it’s a lack of scruples but I’d have nodded and said “Medical? He’s fine”; a weasely sentence which, whilst being true, isn’t accurate.
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