Supernanny Rules

Rebel Without A Cause

by kadi on March 22nd, 2008

My kids are rowdy, spirited, rambunctious and (fill in the blank with any other word that means absolutely nuts,) when we are at home. Their public behavior, however, is a huge contrast to the behavior exhibited in the comfort of our own abode. They are polite, courteous and unusually well behaved (at least I’ve been told so on many occasions.) Lately, though, one of the bunch has shown some unusual behavior. Take our mom’s club gathering, for example. The subject (who shall remain nameless,) wrote a bad word all over his Easter bunny craft. Strike one.

Later on, he provoked a fist fight with his brother, in front of all of the members of the mom’s club. Strike two. Today, we caught him repeatedly spitting out his drink in the back seat of van. For no dang reason. Strike three, he’s out…of control. He’s been doing such uncharacteristic things lately, that it makes me wonder whether there is something going on in his little noggin. My husband, of course, think that I read into it way too much.

So I did some research. The website, Child Welfare Information Gateway, had some thought provoking questions which were very useful in understanding how to deal with the situation at hand.

When your child’s behavior is troubling, ask yourself:

1. Is this a growth or developmental stage?
   Each new phase of growth or development brings challenges for the child and the child’s caregivers. For example, growing independence in the child’s second year is often accompanied by challenging behavior (such as the “No!” phase). Feeding and sleeping problems may occur during developmental transitions, and it helps if caregivers are extra patient and loving in their responses. It’s best to give the child choices, use humor, and be firm but supportive.
2. Is this an individual or temperament difference?
   Not all children of a certain age act the same way. Some progress developmentally at different rates, and all have their own temperaments that may account for differences in behavior. Being aware of a child’s tendency to be shy, moody, adaptable, or inflexible will help you better understand the child’s behavior in a specific situation and impact the way you approach the behavior.
3. Is the environment causing the behavior?
   Sometimes the setting provokes a behavior that may seem inappropriate. An overcrowded living or childcare arrangement coupled with a lack of toys can increase aggression or spark jealousy. Look around your home to evaluate it in light of your child’s behaviors and see the environment from a child’s viewpoint.
4. Does the child know what is expected?
   If a child is in a new or unfamiliar territory or is facing a new task or problem, he or she may not know what behavior is appropriate and expected. Perhaps this is the first time a two-year-old without siblings has been asked to share a toy. Developmentally he does not truly understand the concept of sharing, so it is up to the parent to explain calmly how other children will react. Patience and repeating the message over and over again are necessary as children rarely learn or master a new response on the first try.
5. Is the child expressing unmet emotional needs?
   Emotional needs that are unmet are the most difficult cause of behavior to interpret. If a particular child needs extra love and attention, rather than withhold that from her, it will be helpful to find ways to validate and acknowledge the child more frequently.

Adapted from Understanding Behavior: A Key to Discipline, National Association for the Education of Young Children and Judy Reinsberg, July 1999.

As you can see, not all of the questions apply to my son, since he is older than the baby and toddler stages. One question, in particular did inspire me to sit down and talk with him. Being that we have an abundance of family members, it is quite possible that he’s feeling neglected. His behavior may just be his way of seeking attention, even negative attention. Tonight, I will be sitting down with my son, and having a little mom to son chat. Hopefully it will be the key to understanding his recent undesirable behavior trend.

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