Purity Balls - Insert additional creepy subject line here
A Purity Ball also known as a “Father Daughter Purity Ball” is a formal event attended by fathers and their daughters where virginity until marriage for teenaged girls is promoted. These balls are are often closely associated with U.S. Christian churches, particularly evangelical Christian churches.
Purity Balls can vary in many particulars, but most commonly, fathers who attend typically pledge before God to protect their young daughters’ purity in mind, body and soul.
Daughters are expected to remain virgins, abstaining from pre-marital sexual intercourse.
Fathers must sign the “Covenant of Purity and Protection,” witnessed by their daughters, and openly commit to the pledge, a typical example of which might be:
I, (daughter’s name)’s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.
Ok, this whole deal about Purity Balls just creeps me the hell OUT! I think I would have been mortified to have EVER had my father attempt to discuss the S word with me. In fact, I’m quite glad my dad maintained the very modest and quiet lifestyle he did while I was growing up.
It was creepy enough to have my mom discuss some things with me - but to attend some sort of Black Tie Gala Event where the whole premise is sex, virginity, abstinence and intercourse - that’s just weird to me.
While I think the topic of sex needs to be discussed with teens at greater length and that they truly need to understand the risks, I think the best we can do is educate kids on the topic, not dress them up, take them to a fancy party and have them commit to virginity.
Hell, kids will commit to just about anything when their hormones are just growing active, puberty is taking over where intelligent thought processes used to reside and when they’re trying to get out of those long assed lectures mom and dad have had years to perfect.
There - that’s my thoughts! What about you?
Time For You To Sound Off:
Would you have seriously obtained from sex in your teens if your daddy dressed up and took you to a dance?
(image: newscom)
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POSTED IN: Parenting
21 opinions for Purity Balls - Insert additional creepy subject line here
Sandy
May 20, 2008 at 10:22 am
This is creepy on multiple levels. The most disturbing is the message that it sends that fathers–not the young women–are in charge of their daughter’s bodies. Shades of the Victorian Period in England.
Tracee Sioux
May 20, 2008 at 10:26 am
I’m creeped out by virginity “clubs” too. How weird is it that we’re starting clubs around whether we’re doing it or not.
Heather
May 20, 2008 at 10:37 am
That creeps me out too! And my first thought was the same as Sandy’s - that it makes the fathers out to be in charge of the girls’ bodies.
BMS
May 20, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Cynical me thinks the girls will take any excuse for a party, then go do whatever they want anyway.
My father had zero to say to me on the subject of sex. He didn’t have to. He had my mom, and while my dad was a Chicago cop, my mom was a Polish Catholic MOM. They can work in guilt like some artists work in oil or clay, and she let me know exactly how she felt about premarital sex, and made it very clear that she would kill me, dig me up, kill me again, then ground me for life if I ever got pregnant before marriage. Worked on me.
marye
May 20, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Sign me up to be the weirdo..It doesn’t creep me out.
Many cultures have a special coming of age ceremony, and many of them include sexual issues. Our teens wear purity rings. They are given to them by their dad and it is a special time.
Our daughter did not remove hers until her wedding. And then her dad took it off her finger when he handed her over to her groom. It was very special.
I think that parents DO have the responsibility to safeguard their children’s sexuality for them until they are ready for marriage. In the past sex was just not talked about and Christians came under huge condemnation for not being open..now they are being open and they are coming under huge condemnation for that.
It isn’t a very liberated viewpoint. And that suits me fine.
Ashley S.
May 20, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I think it’s sort of the right direction to increase the father’s role and responsibility in the family.. I also think it’s healthy for a father talk openly to his daughter concerning her virginity and her self-respect or whatever…um, but this is just a little over the top.
jessica @pianomomsicle
May 20, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Couldn’t they have at least called it….a purity dance? Purity gala? Event?
The words purity ball make me think the people who came up with the idea knew how to manipulate the freaked-out strict Christian fathers, and had a good laugh over the name while the same fathers forked over cash to attend with their daughters, who probably told their friends they were going bowling with their dad that night.
sabrina
May 20, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Marye, you are not the only weirdo. I would agree with you that this event is a positive. Parents should be the ones to teach their children about sex. Fathers need to step up and be fathers.
Eight
May 20, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Is there a mommy-son version as well? Maybe a LAN party?
I find the daddy-daughter pledge ball very unusual, based on how I grew up. I think an open dialogue with the mother - should she be present - is the best for a daughter. Gossiping about my cousins and classmates with her really helped me set up my boundaries.
BMS
May 20, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I want to teach my sons to respect their bodies, respect women and their feelings (or I will personally rip them a new one), and to preferably wait until marriage for sex. I don’t feel like I need a grand event to do that.
And while I would prefer them to wait until marriage, I am also going to drum into their heads that if they feel that they cannot wait, they had better use birth control, because if they get someone pregnant, their life is OVER. So, yes, I will preach chastity. But I will also make sure they have the tools needed to stay healthy and keep out of situations they are not ready for.
tanyetta
May 21, 2008 at 12:58 am
The ‘ball’ sounds like a great event and anytime a parent is heavily involved in their child’s lives (whether it’s creepy or not) I think this is a great step forward.
I wish my father would have taken me to an event like this. Instead he chose to shoot himself in the head when I was 7. :(
Ashley S.
May 21, 2008 at 8:08 am
I believe a LOT of teenage girls become promiscuious due to an absense of the father, or a lack of attention from their fathers. So, I get where they’re coming from..but there again, the wording of some of it sounds a little odd or extreme maybe.
kadi
May 21, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Okay, here is my opinion.
A commitment to purity is a good thing. It should be a covenant between a young person and God. My grandma asked us if we wanted a purity ring to serve as a reminder of our choice (that we made on our own.) She took us shopping for our 16th birthdays to pick out our special rings. It worked until I was nineteen. Then I took it off.
My dad always told me that I did not have permission to have sex until I was married. His forbiddence was a joke to me because he was off having orgies with multiple men. I made the decision on my own, regardless of the commitment I made. I’m sure my kids will do the same. I would rather them commit of their own free will, in the privacy of their relationship with Christ, not at some father/daughter dance. I wonder how many of those fathers are going bad shit behind closed doors. Probably more than we might think.
kadi
May 21, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Sorry for the typo. I meant “doing bad shit”
Karen
May 23, 2008 at 11:47 am
I agree with Marye, Tanyetta, and Sabrina. Parents need to take a more active role instead of letting kids them fend for themselves. I’ve worked with teens for years and it has been my experience that they’re having sex to get approval, attention, and “love” from someone because they’re usually not getting the love they need from their fathers. No, it’s not every case, but I’ve found that teens who don’t have a positive and involved father in their lives are having sex earlier than the ones that do. It’s just SICK to hear of 14 year olds getting on birth control and their parents taking them to the doctor to get it. They’d rather shove a pill down their throat to prevent pregnancy then to deal with raising a child. Many people have been pregnant and lived through it. You can prevent pregnancy, but it doesn’t stop all the pain and hurt that comes from being used by people and giving up a part of yourself. Sex is an intimate act and should be treated as such, instead of teenagers being told it’s ok to do “what’s natural” and us saying that they’re just “fulfilling their desires”.
Lynette
May 24, 2008 at 7:03 am
Part of me thinks its got the right thought behind it, but uh…just too creepy the way its followed through. I totally do not see my husband doing that with his daughters!
Supernanny Rules 3 Doors Down
May 27, 2008 at 2:28 pm
[…] even talk about parties, if you want to call a Purity Ball a party. There’s some interesting conversation regarding this subject. I’ve never heard […]
Wesley Triplett
Jun 4, 2008 at 10:17 am
With all the young people out here having babies you would think that we all would be coming up with ideas to help them succeed in life. But instead all you all do is make fun of and laugh at those that care for there children enogh to make them the most important thing so that they don’t have to look for that in our things like sex and drugs. I will put this out on the table if this is so creepy then you do something about the high and steady going up rate of teen pregnancy. If you are not bold to stand up then shut up.
that girl
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Wesley, I think the ‘creepy’ factor for most is not the loving, protective, Godly intentions of these dads.. it is the dads’ declaration of ‘covering’ and protecting the daughters’ virginity. I’ve gone back and re-read it though and maybe I’ve misunderstood the term “covering”.. maybe you could shed some light if you’ve cooled down a bit?
sabrina
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Thank You Wesley for your comment.
Wesley Triplett
Jun 5, 2008 at 7:50 am
You are right when you say that you may not understand the word covering. It means nothing more then what fathers and mothers do on the everyday. By covering my child I am being a parent watching out for her helping her make decisions the regular things that parents do. The word covering is a biblical term when broken down means the person in charge of our responsible for.
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