Parental Authority - Leading By Example

by Cory on May 24th, 2006

Authority in Parenting - aish.com Today, as part of the continuing series on Parental Authority, I want to tackle something that’s been on my mind quite a bit. It’s the idea of leading by example. When we talk “authority” we often do so in the context of obedience. We want our children to listen and do as they’re told. But there is another side of authority that speaks to the formation of a child’s character. This is all about how we express or try to exert authority.

Kids are monkeys

We’ve all heard the expression, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Well, when it comes to parenting Supernanny would say, “That’s rubbish!” The operative expression when talking about kids is, “Monkey see; monkey do.” My two-year old could probably go the whole day doing nothing but copying his big sister. Not only do kids copy each other, but they also copy their parents.

In high school, people used to tell me I looked just like my dad. I didn’t get it: I was tall, blond and skinny. He was short and stocky with black hair. Now that I’m a parent, I understand. It was more a similarity of mannerisms and behavior. Like I said, “Monkey see; monkey do.” My daughter, who looks nothing like me, could be my twin.

Kids are mirrors

Your children are always watching you, studying you, copying you. If you ever want to know how you act or sound, just watch your kids. Everything is up for grabs: facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, vocabulary and slang. If they do it, odds are you do, too.

While this is particularly true of younger children, it holds with older kids as well. There are more outside influences in their lives, but at their core they still reflect their parents. Better than any mirror in the bathroom, kids reflect our true selves.

Kids are mud

Now if you’re panicking that your kids are all screwed up because you’re all screwed up, here’s the good news. Kids are like mud, like wet clay on a potter’s wheel. Watching you shapes the adults they will become. Don’t like the way they’re turning out? Change yourself!

Jesus (Yes, that Jesus.) talked about removing the log from your own eye before you go after the splinter in someone else’s. That’s a good place to start with our kids as well. Be honest. Does the poor behavior you see in them have its origins in you? If it does, start by changing yourself, and watch your little monkeys follow along.

Tying It Together

So, if you see problems with how your children respond to authority, start by examining yourself. I’m not saying everything children do is a reflection of their parents. They are independent little people. But those little people learn so much about how to act by watching you.

Other posts in this series:
Parental Authority - Introduction
Parental Authority - The Four Keys to Authority

Tags: authority, Parenting

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