Love Is…Enforcing The Code
Despite my fear of sounding like my grandmother, I have to wonder what is going on with the dress codes at school and home these days? I had to make a run to the local high school this week, and almost choked on my gum when I saw what the kids were parading around in. When I was in high school, a midriff shirt got a person sent home. Shorts and skirts had to be a certain length and the proctors would measure if they thought that the garment did not meet the school’s standards. Now, even the cheerleaders’ uniforms are midriff styles. Girls are sporting cheek peeking shorts and getting away with it. Some of the shorts are sooooo short that you cannot even see them under the long, tunic style tops. It looks like the girls are walking around in a micro mini dress, emphasis on micro.
Then, while browsing Internet news, I see Miss Miley Cyrus wrapped only in a sheet. WTFarfegnugen? Is she trying to be a role model for kids, or the next Playboy centerfold? The girl is all of fifteen years old and posing topless for Vanity Fair? To make matters even more appalling, her parents accompanied her to the shoot! If I were Billy Ray, she would have been fully clothed or yanked off of the photo shoot faster than you can say “Achey, Breaky Heart.” I shake my finger at you, Billy Ray. Not a good parenting choice, in my opinion. What kind of message are you and Miley sending teens and tweens about modesty and self respect? Super star or not, Miley is still a child and should be treated as such.
No wonder kids these days are wearing less, showing more and have such a high rate of promiscuity. Hellooooo? It is like Dave Chappelle said in one of his stand up acts, do not dress like a police officer and then get offended if someone asks you to arrest a criminal. Teens need to dress according to how they want to be treated and perceived. In addition, parents need to take control of what their children are buying and wearing out. In my house, if my mother saw something skimpy in our closets, we had a choice, give it away or throw it away. I never would have been allowed out in public with anything skimpy on. If my mom heard that we changed outfits at school or a party, we were grounded. Of course, my mom was very involved, so she had spies friends everywhere who would rat us out.
Parents can still assert some control over what their teens are wearing if they are willing to lay down the law, take the time to be consistent in enforcing the law and enlist some good spies friends to help keep an eye out. Oh…and maybe take them clothes shopping so you have a say in what gets purchsed. I knew that my mom did what she did because she loves us. She knew that what we wore, reflected on what we were seen as. All three of her daughters wore modest clothing, whether we liked it or not. I may not have like it at the time, but now I love her for it. Maybe Billy Ray and some other parents should take lessons from my mama!
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13 opinions for Love Is…Enforcing The Code
Thrifty Karen
May 3, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Amen! I am appalled at the stuff I see teenagers wearing. Last night I saw a teenage girl wearing a very low cut top. I saw her breasts and she didn’t have to bend over for me to see them. Wed night I saw a girl’s butt crack. I just can’t get over it. Parents need to be teaching their daughters to respect themselves. Rather instead, it’s ok to dress in a provocative way to get boys to notice you. What kind of respect is that to think that’s the reason you got noticed? It’s horrible!
BMS
May 3, 2008 at 1:08 pm
My sister has a nearly impossible time finding modest clothing - for her FOUR year old. Now granted, my niece is >100 percentile in height, so she wears clothes that are in the size 7-8 range, but even for kids that young, all the stores seem to sell is hookerwear.
I am very glad I have boys!
Thrifty Karen
May 3, 2008 at 1:40 pm
BMS: I was just telling someone last night how hard it is to find dresses and shorts for my little girl. She is 4 years old, but is in the 5th percentile for weight and height. We have to get 4T and 5T dresses and shorts for her because the clothing is so short. I’d hate to think what we’d have to buy if she was of average height.
Kelsey
May 3, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I don’t think that the scariest thing, when I was pregnant for my daughter, I had a craving and ran out to the corner store (my husband doesn’t drive so no sending him on the chocolate runs) and I saw a girl standing with her friends, she couldn’t have been more then 12, with her shirt tied in a knot just below her breasts and her shorts rolled up so that her underwear was almost showing and all I could think was “Good god, I know her parents didn’t let her out that way” All of the clothes would have been perfectly respectable if they were worn correctly, so even more scary things to think about!
Thrifty Karen
May 3, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Yes, that is scary.
What you said just reminded me of something. About 2 months ago I was in Wal-Mart with my friend. We saw a girl, who looked to be about 12-13 year old, looking at pregnancy tests! I could hardly believe it!!!!! I just wanted to pull her aside and talk to her. I didn’t know what to do or how to help her.
tabbi
May 3, 2008 at 9:59 pm
I agree with what you say, teens should not be dressed the way they are. I say the responsiblitiy needs to be more in the hand of the parents (teachers have enough to deal with, breaking up fights and looking out for patential “shooters”, not to meantion trying to educate).
We adults have to lead by example. (May I say, most of our awsome america doesnt tend to set the high example of standards we want our children to follow)Teen brains do not function like ours, their impulese control is very low :P I’m not making excuses for teens who make wrong decisions, I just feel like …. like… How you put it, your mom had “spyies”. It takes a village to raise a child.
I feel like most parents give up once a child reaches the teen years. They no longer have angelic faces or voices to make you want to compfort and guide. Teens are most vonerable to peer pressure, because they are with their peers much more then their parents (or the parents community). They have clubs, sports, boyfriends/girlfriends, work, friends, homework, projects, stress from scholerships, and stress from figuring out their idenity…what they truly believe… Its not easy.
We were all teens once, the question is how much do we really remember, and can we imagine how much different in is for the next generations….
Brooke
May 3, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Very interesting that you wrote this considering you, yourself posed half naked for your blog right before your Supernanny episode. Is that a good example you’d like to lead for your daughter? I even saw some of the same pictures on another one of your blogs posing with the American flag draped over your scantily clothed body on your bed. Usually, I agree and enjoy reading what you write on this website, however this one is totally contradicting your actions. Why don’t you take your own advice that you’ve written here, and set a good example for your daughter (when it comes to clothes). I believe it starts in the home and if your daughter saw those pictures of you ONLINE for all to see, that would be sending the wrong message to her.
Kadi
May 3, 2008 at 11:03 pm
When my daughter is an adult, she can do whatever she pleases. I do not think that an adult in a bathing suit sends the wrong message. I believe that it shows that I’m comfortable in my own skin. You are taking that totally out of context, as some people will. Do you wear a swim suit in public places, such as the beach? Aren’t you also exposing your body to the public in front of children?
The issue at hand here, is teenage nudity. I am not a teenager. Thank you for your opinion, but I disagree.
Grandmaof7
May 4, 2008 at 12:03 am
We are not talking about an adult in a bathing suit who is at the beach. We are talking about a mother of seven children exploiting herself online. Obviously, wearing a swimsuit at the beach is acceptable because everyone else at the beach is dressed the same. However, if you have a mother at the beach in a g-string, I would feel the same way that I do with you posing in a bathing suit on your bed or in your shower with a school girl short skirt on. There is no need for those pictures to be placed on the internet for all to see. It is sending the wrong message to girls no matter what you say. There is nothing positive about those pictures. You can be comfortable in your own skin and be proud of your body and not have to display yourself in the matter that you did. I agree about your feelings that your daughter can do whatever she pleases when she is an adult, however what type of message are you sending her now? She is influenced by what her MOM does and if her MOM decides to post inappropriate pictures of herself on the internet, won’t that be sending her the wrong message? If your daughters were teenagers and saw that their mother was displaying herself on the internet the way you did, isn’t that contradicting? As a mother of three girls, all I can say is if my grown daughters saw me displaying myself the way you did online, they would definitely throw it back in my face and say, if Mom’s doing it, why can’t we? Is it do as I say and not as I do? Your whole philosophy about “teenage nudity” not only stems from society but should also begin at home.
Kadi
May 4, 2008 at 8:29 am
Grandma of 7~
I was not wearing a g string bathing suit. But you are entitled to your opinion as to what is appropriate and what is not. Yes, sometimes it is do as I say in our home. I drink wine, yet I would not allow my children to do so. Some things are only accpetable for adults.
We obviously disagree, but that is what makes this world so diverse and wonderful. Thank you for sharing your views with us! Have a great day!
Ashley
May 5, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Wow - we watched Kadi’s episode of supernanny and it’s funny because I have no recollection of her in booty-shorts, belly-shirts, or a bikini. If she was really this weirdo, Mrs. Robinson, attention craving bad example you all keep accusing her of - I think national tv would have really been a priceless opportunity for her to slut it up..
Kadi - you’re right - you’re an adult.. Teenage girls should not be wearing the sexy clothes they are. It’s sick that the clothing industry is even trying to expand these designs to fit little girls. Four year olds should not be wearing plat-forms and belly shirts - and wal-mart/Baby gap/Old Navy shouldn’t be selling them!
CanadianMom
May 5, 2008 at 2:41 pm
This is an awfully thin line…on one side, you could say that adults should only do things that their children are also allowed to do. But that would be nuts, right?
On the other side, adults are allowed to do things that kids are not allowed to do. Kadi had a good point about the wine, but that’s also law. But adults can stay up later, we can watch R rated movies, we can post pictures of ourselves online, etc. Not laws, but RULES. Because adults are more mature, and responsible. We have earned these rights, because we have already been teenagers, and listened to OUR parents when they said, *you’re not wearing that*. What we hope is that by the time our kids have grown PHYSICALLY, they have also grown MENTALLY, and they can decide on their own what the right thing to do is.
That’s why kids aren’t allowed to drink wine, or drive, or stay out on the town all night. Because they are not ready to handle the aftermath of these actions.
Similarly, girls should not be dressed as strippers until they are old enough to be employed by a strip club. Which, by law, is 18 here in Canada. And you hope by the time they get to be eighteen they know better.
DeAnna Prescott
May 6, 2008 at 10:25 am
I believe that in this day and age mothers should set a good example for their daughters-especially in the way that they dress. Some of the comments were a bit harsh regarding your decision to put some pictures of you on the internet, but I am glad that you took them off. It would only attract negative attention, just as a teenager wearing “hoochie” clothes would. I cannot believe some of the girls these days wearing and acting like 20 year olds. It is appalling that their parents are so oblivious to the way they dress. All we can do as parents is be aware and involved with our children’s lives-and clothing.
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