Supernanny Rules

Learning To Parent A Child With ADHD

by kadi on February 12th, 2008

My husband and I have always been pretty in sync with our parenting methods. We are a combination of hard knock, nurturing and authoritative parents. Our techniques are always pretty successful at keeping the kids in line, as well as keeping them happy. I will readily admit that they are on the active side. Which is really code for crazy beast like creatures who ravage the yard, looking for a bigger, better, potentially deadly, physical challenge. But all of them seem to grasp the concept that we will whoop butts and take names later, when need be. Our methods work to create a balance in our parent/child relationships and home life. But it was not always that way.

There was a time when I wondered where I went wrong with my oldest son. I never could figure out why he acted the way he did. Even as a baby, he would flail around at bed time, unable to calm himself. He could never sit still for more than a few minutes, or complete a requested task. He was impulsive, angry and out of control, increasing with age. I felt like an utter failure when it came to parenting him. All of our attempts were useless in getting our son to behave. I called my husband on many occasions, crying my eyes out and telling him that I wanted to give up. I really felt in my heart that my son would never be a happy, healthy child, as long as he lived with us.

I thank God that we did not give up. We searched for answers and took each day as it came. After two years of consistent problems in multiple venues, the doctor finally was able to assess our son for ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.)My family scoffed at us, at first. Our son never acted out in front of extended family, so they did not know the side of him that we knew. They did not see his uncontrollable rage or his frustration when trying to complete a simple page of homework. Intelligence, affection and socialization skills were not areas that he was lacking in. Our son is extremely smart, a friend to all whom he meets and a huge people pleaser. That is the boy that our family knew. They did not know how greatly he lacked self control, ability to focus and slow his thought process down to a normal level. Even our attempts at dietary changes (which was nearly impossible with seven kids,) and many months of exhausting behavioral modification techniques, were not yielding results. Things were getting worse. My ability to mother my son and his six other siblings was rapidly waning. The situation was sucking the life out of me. In August 2007, our son was diagnosed with ADHD. Our pediatrician suggested a collaborative approach using diet, behavior modification and medication.

After much debate and research, my husband and I agreed to try a low dose medication. We use a combination of medication, behavioral modification and diet to help our son battle his disorder. It was one of the toughest decisions we have ever had to make. I cried buckets of tears at the thought of medicating my baby boy. But it was nothing compared to the oceans of tears that I had cried during the first seven years of witnessing my son live a frustrated, anger filled and tortured life. Our son started taking Focalin XRin September 2007. I did not tell his teacher, as not to create a bias. I wanted to know if she could tell a difference from the first few difficult weeks she had spent as his teacher. The results were almost immediate. The side affects were almost nothing. He was slightly tired the first week, but nothing more than that. His teacher approached me at the end of the first two weeks of his medication and shared her amazement at the changes she had seen in him. I was elated at her news. I told her of our choice to try the Focalin XR. I told her that homework was no longer a four hour, tantrum inducing ordeal. He still actively played, still ate like a normal boy and still carried on as usual. He was still my blue eyed, crazy little boy, but better. He was better because he was happier, more in control and no longer felt like a failure.

My husband and I learned that being a good parent requires the willingness to be open to doing things out of the comfort zone. While techniques are awesome to implement, flexibility is also key. We are still followers of the hard knock teachings, but apply those teachings according to what each individual child needs. I know now that the key to finding a proper balance takes perseverance, commitment and an open mind. Now that we have learned how to create and maintain a balance for our son, parenting has become so much easier and life, with him, has become more pleasant.

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