Does a mother working outside the home have a negative effect on children?
Since we are hitting on some fairly controversial topics and discussion lately, which by the way I absolutely LOVE and enjoy… it does make me think outside this box I live in… I thought I’d keep the eb flowing with more topics that I’d enjoy reading other’s points of view on.
Does a mother working outside the home have a negative effect on children?
When I was younger and thought about settling down and raising a family, I always knew I wanted to be in a position where I could stay home with my children until they were at least 4-years-old. Everything I’d read told me that was the magical age.
By the age of four, a child has developed the personality they will carry into adulthood.
By the age of four, a child is able to communicate well enough that if anything were happening that the parent should know about, they could do so.
That was enough to support my decision.
When I found that I was having twins, I made the decision to quit working before the birth and stay at home with them. It was the best decision I ever made.
While the marriage left a lot to be desired and alcoholism crept into our lives, I remained in a very unhappy and mildly abusive marriage until my kids were that magical age of Four!
That’s when I filed for divorce and became a single mother and the boys and I moved in with my father in the old farmhouse I grew up in.
Still I didn’t want to leave my children to be raised by anyone who did not have a vested interest in the adults my children would become. So I took a job as a bartender on weekends. Not the best job, but it paid Great and for all my kids knew, I was only away from them for a couple of hours a week.
My father would watch the boys on weekends and put them to bed while I was at work. I would go to work at 6 PM, the boys were always in bed by 8 PM.
While I was so tired during the couple of days that would follow, I knew I was making the right decision. I was still the primary person raising my boys.
When the boys started school, I started working a ‘normal’ day job. That only lasted a couple of years before the feeling of missing out became too overwhelming and I began looking for work from home options.
That was 10 years ago and I’ve worked from home ever since.
When I receive compliments on my boys, I feel confident in knowing I can take full credit for the wonderful young men they have become.
While I know it’s difficult for everyone to do what I’ve done, I do strongly urge people to make every effort at being the person who raises your child - don’t leave their future in the hands of someone else who doesn’t care who they grow up to be.
Now it’s your turn - how do you feel about mother’s working outside the home? And does it have a negative effect on children?
Tags: working mother, work outside the home, childhood development, child care, day care
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POSTED IN: Parenting
10 opinions for Does a mother working outside the home have a negative effect on children?
Kadi Prescott
Jan 9, 2008 at 11:53 am
That depends. Does the working mother still spend her free time making sure that her kids feel special and taken care of? Plenty of SAHMs spend all day staring at the TV, talking on the phone, not pating attention to their little ones, that it can be worse than a working parent. I think it is quality-vs-quantity, within reason. I once babysat a little girl who’s parents worked all day, then left the kids with their grandparents while they partied…not good parenting.
Kadi Prescott
Jan 9, 2008 at 11:56 am
Sorry, my grammar is terrible today.
BMS
Jan 10, 2008 at 11:29 am
I guess I take issue with the idea that the magic word is ‘mother’. There was always a *parent* home with our kids until they started preschool (meaning we never used day care or babysitters, and preschool was only a 2 day a week, get them socialized thing). I work part time, my husband has a lot of flex time, so we tag off on child care duties when necessary. Yes I agree that having quality parental involvement is ideal. I disagree that it must be the mother. And if economic reality means that mom must work, the kids will live.
But I also wonder when I see parents working 50 hour weeks, to pay for expensive nannies, cars, McMansions, and electronics, when they could downsize a tad, and spend more time with their kids. But that’s just me.
Kadi Prescott
Jan 10, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I’m sorry that you take issue with the idea that all kids need “mommy” time. There is no other bond that could ever replace a mother/child bond. Other family memebers are also important contributors, I agree. But I think that depriving a child of quality time with mom, does the child a serious injustice. I’m not speaking of quantity, but quality. Even if it is just a song and snuggling before bedtime.
A mom can certainly find time to do that, even if she is forced to work full time.
BMS
Jan 10, 2008 at 7:56 pm
You misunderstand me. I just feel like Daddies get the shaft in these conversations. Stay at home Dads never get the props that stay at home Moms do. If I stayed home full time, no one would think twice. If my husband stayed home full time, he would get snide remarks from many circles. Children need the involvement of parents, but those parents need not be female for the involvement to ‘count’. Concerned, loving, involved parents come in both genders - that’s all I’m saying. I know single fathers and gay male couples who would put many typical ‘two yuppies and a nanny’ power couples to shame with their level of love, dedication, and sacrifice for their kids.
Kadi Prescott
Jan 10, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Ah, yes. I did misunderstand you. My apologies. My husband comes home from work and is involved and doing more than I do, right up until the kids are asleep. Yet I get most of the credit for raising them so well. SAHDs are awesome, and you are absolutely right, do not get the kudos that they so deserve!
Gayla McCord
Jan 11, 2008 at 7:47 am
I agree, stay at home parents is the correct term. I guess I was thinking in the ‘not so literal’ term while writing this.
I kind of function that way in my everyday life. If it’s a carbonated beverage, it’s a coke to me - even if the label says 7-Up
The times, they are a changing and like it or not, I’m going to have to do some changing too!
I absolutely adore stay at home dads. I think it’s great to see life from their perspective. There are a few of those dads around the blogosphere that I admire with every fiber - mostly because I do think mothering comes more natural to women then to men.
tabbi
Jan 16, 2008 at 10:26 pm
I’m a newly wed wife. My hubby is in the air force. I feel so fortunate that he believes like I that someone should stay at home with kids, once they come. He has the career, he enjoys it, I enjoy caring for the home. I wasnt raised that way, at least you couldnt tell from my room growing up!!!! I dont work now either. I have money saved up, now is the time we are learning to live on a single family income. I wish I could convice more families that, if at all possible, one parent should be at home. I dont have kids yet, house before kids if possible :P I just know, that i want to stay home n raise my children.
Gayla McCord
Jan 18, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Welcome Tabbi. Just make sure we don’t scare you out of having youngin’s.
It is refreshing sometimes to have the point of view reminder from where we all have come.
Feel free to chime in any time.
daddy
May 14, 2008 at 2:02 pm
it does affect them
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