Daddy’s Alter Ego
I remember, all too vividly, the day that my parents told us about my dad’s affair. I knew that something wasn’t right, because the night before, the sounds of my mother’s sobbing could be heard through the walls. It kept me awake all night, pondering the meaning behind those agonized, yet muffled sounds of a woman’s heart being broken. My mother never cried, so I knew that something was seriously wrong. The next morning, my parents sat my sister and I down in the living room. I do not remember much about the details of what they said, but I do remember our reactions. I remember my youngest sister, she was only 10 at the time, trying to run out the front door. I remember feeling like it was just a bad dream. My dad was not the kind of person to cheat on my mom.
I also remember the day we found out that my dad was gay. It was a year after my parents split up. My dad was away on business, as usual. My mom sat us down, again, in the living room. She began by telling us that she had some suspicions toward my dad and his recent interests. She divulged that she had hired a private detective to follow my dad. Her findings were congruent with those suspicions. He had been sleeping with men. Again, I was left in a fog. I could not grasp the idea of my dad, a true blue family man a conservative Christian and wonderful father, leading a life that contradicted so much of what he had raised us to believe. I still wonder how any person can decide to make such a radical life change in the midst of raising a family. Yet, I know that it happens everyday.
My mom was always very open with us, throughout the divorce process. So was my dad. Mom shared her feelings of confusion, feelings of inadequacy and anger towards my dad for leaving her to pick up the pieces while he gallivanted around the country in search of selfish pleasures. He was still our dad, but he was not the dad we knew. My dad was always more than willing to share his side of the story. From what I gather, they love and respect each other, but did not have a great marriage. My dad decided to pursue a life that, he claims, had been his true identity since birth. He still loves us. I believe that. Will I ever fully comprehend how he hid his true feelings for 41 years, only to decide that the right time to live his truth was right smack dab in the middle of our childhood? Probably not. I don’t obsess over it. It does, however, make me wonder how many parents are stifling their true identities because they made the choice to have children and commit to a marriage that they do not belong to, whole heartedly. I’m willing to bet that it happens a lot more than you and I would suspect.
Tags: childhood, divorce, homosexuality, indentity, Parents, secretsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Parenting
0 opinions for Daddy’s Alter Ego
No one has left a comment yet. You know what this means, right? You could be first!
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: