Breaking a Child That Bites
When my twins were toddlers, I had one that had a horrible habit of biting his brother. I was horrified to go in public with all the bite marks the poor little guy had.
I heard all sorts of advice from other parents and grandmothers on what I should to to break him.
The one most common advice that was offered up was:
Bite him back!
Something about that never did settle right with me. I never could see myself responding to biting with biting.
As a mom of twins, you learn your own methods of taking care of darn near everything.
I found that by taking small medicine cups and placing a dab of tobassco sauce in them and placing them up high around the house so they were within easy reach when a bite occurred, I was able to dip my finger in and swipe his tongue that instant.
It seemed to break him rather quickly.
I’m glad it did break him — because now he loves hot spicy foods.
Go figure!
How to Stop It According to Super Nanny
In all instances, react swiftly, and keep your cool. Don’t ever – ever – bite back or hit – retaliation could be dangerous. “You’re just teaching them violence causes violence,” says Mallory Henson. But don’t dodge the issue – children need to know immediately that what they have done is wrong.
* Intervene: Open your eyes – look at how intense, how frequent bites are and what the triggers are. One of the best ways is to act before your child has a chance to sink their teeth into anyone. “Parents are slow to do this – but it’s one of the best ways,” says Lyn Fry. “Whisk your child away from the person they’re about to bite. Or don’t put them into large groups if that’s where it happens. Plan in advance for their behavior.” Children often clench their teeth before they bite – an unmistakable sign. Take the child somewhere quiet to calm down. If a teething child is trying out his or her teeth, find toys to chew and chomp on.
* Teach them it’s wrong: When your child bites, use simple but firm words. Try, “that’s biting, that’s wrong” or a firm “no”. If you’re in a group, remove them from the situation. Explain that it hurts others and why you don’t like them doing it.
* Teach them to express themselves: When things have calmed down, try to help your child find a less painful way to express their feelings. This works well with children who are biting to try to show their affection, says Mr Flower. “If your child’s expressing love, teach them to hug rather than bite whenever they feel strong emotions.” Likewise, if your child bites out of defense, show them how to tell somebody they don’t want him or her too close – to make the “stop” sign (a hand held up) – or even gently to push the other child’s shoulder – which won’t hurt but gives a clear message. Or teach them to come and find you instead if they’re angry.
* Reduce the effectiveness: When children bite to gain attention, dealing with it is trickier. After the first big talking to, don’t try to continue to reason or explain. Give a firm “no”. Mr Flower says,
Put your body between victim and biter and turn your back on the biter. Give the victim sympathy and the biter a clear message this is an unproductive way of getting attention.
If time-out is one of your methods, now’s the time to use it. If the bite was over a toy or treat, remove it for a short while. If a child tries to control his or her mum by biting, try physically putting a part of your body in the way as they go to bite – an arm or a leg, which will stop them in their tracks.
* Praise them for good behavior: Catch your child behaving well – not biting siblings, playing well in groups, not biting to get his or her way – and be generous with praise. Be specific – “good boy” becomes like water off a ducks back to them, says Ms Fry. Instead try: “how well you’re playing!” or “aren’t you kind and gentle to your little brother?”
What to do when nothing else works…
Tags: parenting, biting, raising twins, biter, breaking a biter
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POSTED IN: Parenting
9 opinions for Breaking a Child That Bites
GINNY
Aug 1, 2007 at 6:52 pm
MY GRANDDAUGHTER DOES THE SAME THING. SHE IS 1 AND A HALF. CHILDREN FROM HER DAYCARE HAVE GONE TO THE HOSPITAL. WHEN HER MOTHER WAS GROWING UP SHE WAS THE SAME WAY, SHE GREW OUT OF IT,ALSO I SAT ON HER AS FOR REPAMANDING HER AS ITS NOT NICE TO HURT OTHERS. BUT MY GRANDDAUGHTER WONT LISTEN TO HER MOM OR TEACHER,BUT SHE’LL LISTEN TO ME.WE DON’T KNOW WHY.
Amy
Aug 13, 2007 at 5:31 am
I’m sorry, but I think this is abusive. A much kinder solution is to simply remove the child from the situation (into a crib or other area) and say, “NO BITING,” firmly, and then leave him alone.
#1 - kids bite out of frustration, by removing him from the situation, you’re removing the stimulus that is frustrating him.
#2 - by leaving him there, alone, for a minute or two (depending on age, one minute for every year of age) you’re giving him an opportunity to calm down.
#3 - by leaving him alone, you’re removing the most powerful reinforcer you have - your attention. If the child gets a lot of attention (positive or negative) when he bites, he’s going to bite again when he’s feeling like he needs attention, because he got a lot of it last time!
Please see my blog at http://prettybabies.blogspot.com/search/label/Discipline for more details on how to do a time out correctly.
The idea of “breaking” a child of anything, even a bad behavior, makes me extremely uncomfortable. This is my first visit to this site. I hope that your other suggestions are more gentle!
Amy
Aug 13, 2007 at 5:34 am
(by “this” I meant using tabasco. I wouldn’t even do that to my dog!)
tabbi
Jun 27, 2008 at 12:42 am
i wouldnt recomend tobascos sauce for anthing to do with children….imagine what pain it can cause for an adult…..time outs yes, torture no…. children will act out if situations are too tough or advanced for them to deal with.
BEHAVIOR IS LEARNED, not inharited…..
look to parents when children are misbehaving.
If parents disrepect eachother infront of kids, ….. that makes it clear where the disrespect is coming from
“do as i say not as i do” does NOT work with kids, wish some parents would learn that
Gayla McCord
Jun 27, 2008 at 7:06 am
Removing them from the situation sounds really easy, but when you’re dealing with twins - and one has bite marks from head to toe - you’re going to do what you can to make it stop when “time out” just isn’t getting it.
and Biting is not learned behavior, it’s human instinct
Amy
Jun 27, 2008 at 7:12 am
Gayla - get a pack and play. If the biter acts like he’s going to bite the other twin, put him in the pack and play. Tell him, “You can’t come out until you stop biting.”
Is it going to work the first time? NO. But what does, in parenting? You are going to have to do it a thousand times, probably, before it sinks in, but it certainly is a kinder, more thoughtful response than putting tabasco sauce in your child’s mouth or biting him back.
You think having twins is hard, I have two kids who are 19 months apart in age. The almost-3 year old is big enough to really hurt the 16 month old, but isn’t yet old enough to fully understand choices and consequences and that other people have feelings. But that doesn’t mean that it’s ok for me to hurt her to teach her to stop.
Kindness and consistency are key. Hurting someone never solved anything.
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
Gayla McCord
Jun 27, 2008 at 7:26 am
Amy, my twins are 15 now. And it’s funny that my kids swear that was the most effective punishment they ever got.
But then again, I had a pediatrician from the old school - when I asked him what I should do about the twins beating the hell out of each other, he told me to open the door, push them outside and LOCK IT. He said they would eventually figure it out. And he liked my tobaccos sauce treatment. It’s not like I was pouring gallons down their throat, we’re talking a pinhead size drop.
It worked and I have NO regrets - and my kids and I have an awesome relationship. Even when they go camping with their dad or friends, they still send me tons of text messages. They don’t mind being teased about being a “mama’s boy” and they aren’t afraid to hug me in public and even throw in a kiss on the cheek now and again. How many teenage boys do that?
I don’t see the my form of punishment hurt my kids in any way shape or form.
I guess telling you my remedy for spitting is probably not a good idea. Hey, I think I’ll make that a post for today - it’s quite entertaining actually.
Amy
Jun 27, 2008 at 7:34 am
I guess there’s no disagreeing with you. My only thought is this: Are your kids the way they are because of the things you did, or in spite of them?
Locking them out? Seriously? I can not imagine.
It’ll be interesting to hear from you in 15 more years, and whether or not you agree with the way your sons discipline your grandchildren.
Gayla McCord
Jun 27, 2008 at 8:11 am
I never did push them out the door and lock it - I guess I did word that wrong. I was pointing out that my doctor supported my techniques.
And my kids know they can be honest. Believe me, they let me know when I’m being an unnecessary beeyoch and I’ve given them full permission to let me know that.
My son’s even say they are going to live close by me because they want me to help with their kids - because I’m a cool mom.
The kids talk to other grownups when they need to and those grownups always tell me they envy how my kids are with me.
I just think it’s funny that people who believe in timeout can’t believe that parents who actually use creative measures of punishment can have a good healthy relationship with their kids.
It works for me - may not be for everyone - but many of the kids I’ve seen who were punished with only time out are brats and my kids don’t want to hang around them because of that.
I totally understand your position and if it works for you - more power to you. But as a single mother of the twins, I HAD to make sure the punishments works and thank God they did and worked well.
I have two very good 15-year-old boys because of it.
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